I know I'm never there for you. I know I can't treat you well. I can never put you as my main priority. I can never commit. But at least I know that. I've told you before, I'm just trouble. Whenever you need someone, I'm never there. And ironicaly she is. I don't mind and I'm not angry. Its just, she's there for you more than I am. She's the one for you. Not me. Believe me or not. Deep inside, somewhere deep deep down your heart, the girl that you truly like isn't me. Its her :) And I've learnt to see that now. The only reason you like me, is because you couldn't get me. Hahah. I'm not saying you're a player. But its just the attraction law of human nature. You don't really like me. You're just curious about me. Like how it'll be if we were together. You know the song, If I let you go by Westlife? Yea, thats just what you're feeling. But its not love, I can tell you that. I'm not the one.
You said that you'll always be there for me right? Hahaha. Truth it, you barely were. There were times when I needed you, and you were with her :) there were times where I'll break down but you weren't there, instead, other people were. I just don't tell you about those times after it passed. But now that I look back at it, we're really not meant for each other. I think things were better before we decided to take a step forward.
I used to laugh with you, used to look forward to spending time with you. But now I don't feel the excitement anymore. I don't laugh when I'm with you, I don't act like myself when I'm around you. And I think you feel the same way. We don't talk much, thats a fact. We're just awkward now. Hahaha.
I guess we're better off being friends. Maybe all these while, I'm the best friend and she's the girlfriend :) Trust me in this, she's the one for you. She cares so much more about you than I do. She's there, and I won't be. Believe it or not, I really want you guys to be together :)

So, save three of us from this agony, look into your heart and find out that you're in love with her, not me :)



Hahaha. This is really like talking to myself. Maybe one day, I'll be brave enough to actually unlock my blog so that you'll read this. For now, lets just keep it in my head (:

I'm never good enough. & I'll probably never be.

How can I let you love me, when I don't even love myself?

Knowing that you're always there for me just makes me feel more ashamed of myself. I can't lose you again. But will I ever make you as happy as you make me?

All I can do is try. I'll try hard, for you.

This boy, missed his aim when he tried to throw an ice to his friend.
And thus, broody ice wacked my head.
It hit hard. The pain was unbearable. But I wasn't sure if it was the pain on my forehead, or in my guts.

I tend to make the same mistake everytime! And this time, there's no turning back. Once lost, gone forever. I can't believe I did it. What was I thinking? My mind, my heart, my actions. Urggh! I probably just lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
When you asked me why I like you, I just got scared. I don't know why. That night, my mind just went cuckoo and the next thing I knew, I lost you. I mean, gosh, I LIKE YOU. I like it when you care about me, I like it when you're honest with me, I like it when you wait for me everytime after school. But now, I'm only left with your shadow. You striked me when you said you didn't wanna be with me cause I feel guilty. I guess thats why I got scared. I like you, but I don't know why. Why? Isit because of the guilt? Isit enought overcome the guilt? Isit enough to commit myself to you? I have no idea. Thats why I freaked out, I didn't wanna use you. In whatever way, I didn't wanna do it. But what difference does it make? You're still broken up into pieces. Worse than ever this time. I keep doing this. On-off liking you. On-off hurting you, deeper each time. I'm so sick of it. So sick of myself. Every felt like you hate yourself so much that you don't mind just dying? I close my eyes and I see the pain in your eyes. I wake up each morning feeling so sick of myself. I can't even look at myself anymore. This bitch is staring at me when I look into the mirror. I can't face you anymore. I can't look at you without feeling ashamed of myself. I'm so tired of being me.

Carry on, you won't miss me when I'm gone, won't hear the phone ring. Yeah, I'm guilty, guilty of everything.
Free by Boys Like Girls (this has always been my theme song with you)

Sonnet 21.5
The pain, the sorrow, the tears in my eyes,
Are all I feel whenever you pass by,
The heart can't syncronise, with the mind,
The minute I decided to say goodbye.

Your love was deep, your love was strong,
Straight from the heart and lasted long.
I swear upon the pureness of your love,
Which can be compared to a glorious dove.

But I, foolish, naive and completely absurd,
Threw your love without a word.
Sorry; is all I have to make yours,
though I know sorry might not cure.

Now, here I sit, reciting these lines,
Confused, remorsed and completely messed in the mind.

Hahaha. You wanna know whats on my mind?

Well I'm thinking that, you'll be reading this soon. LOL
And also, I'm thinking about how I'm brainstorming to update my blog, while you're snoring your head off :P

Hmm, I'm also thinking that I don't want to like you.
I don't wanna feel frustrated or worried. Paranoid when something really small happens. I don't wanna smile like an idiot when you msg me, or frown patheticly when you don't.
But what can I do, when I already do like you?
Hahah. I told you before right? I always act as if I'm good at these things. Giving advices and all. But truth is, I've got bad experiences. Yeap, really bad ones caused by countless mistakes I made, even with you, that has left me with too much regret. I don't wanna regret this time. People say, we should take caution when it comes to love. I just want to take things slow. Will it be too much to ask of you to follow my pace? I know you've been waiting for too long now, but I just want to be sure before I take the next step. Will you still wait for me? I just want the moment to be special when I say it. Hahaha. Call me cliche, but a girl can dream ;)

P/S : I don't care what people think about you, feel about you, or even talk about you. I care about how you treat me. And you're treating me better than anything I can ask for :) Doesn't every girl love to be pampered? And yess, I'm a girl :D

Stop stalking me, YOU reading the page right now :P

Does it feel awkward between us?
I don't know.

But time will heal us right (:
I've been making you wait for too long. Broke your heart too many times and yet you've not given up. Maybe its time, time for something to happen.

But,
I'm afraid.

Its not that I don't trust you, cause I honestly do. But, I'm afraid. Fullstop.