Day 6

What more can I say when the day of truth is almost approaching? Is there a runaway route for me to take?

Day 5

I want you to be my friend. I can't get used to any more than that. With you, when the words I Love You comes out of your mouth, it brings along coupling, girlfriend, wife, kids, forever ever after! You're sooo committed. So much so that it makes me afraid. And it makes it so much for fearful that I see her in you. This is all just so wrong. WRONG

Day 4

" I'm sorry for making you feel like the third party. "

I was contemplating about how I should feel when I read that. Happy? Relieved? Confused? I guess its a little bit of each of the above. When I said we needed to talk, I typed it with a smile. Because I really want to tell you things. You've always said that I hide things from you, that I don't tell you enough. So, once and for all, I wanna tell you how I felt while you were gone. About everything I was thinking. But then fear stepped in when I started thinking about how you would react. I know you, you would'nt let it go even if you said you don't care. And you would face this with a frown, with sighs, with heartbreaks. I'm not letting go. I just want a fresh start. I think there have just been too many things that happened between us. All those tears, those disappointment, those betrayals. Its hard to move on having those things hanging on to me. I just want to know you again. To forget about the past, and make a new beginning. To start all over again, from the beginning, friends. Can we ever?

Day 3

I think I'm suppose to be publishing posts about how much I miss you. Yeah, I do miss you. But I don't want to. Unlike you, I can't be ... committed. Does that make me a player? I'm not ready for it. I'm seventeen. I'm just not ready to be committed. I mean, I like you, yeah, I do. But I'm just not ready to be with you. I'm not ready to tell you things you tell me. I'm not ready to treat you differently from other guys, like specially. I'm not ready to be more than friends with you. I just can't repay you. I'm the one thats not good enough. Do you understand?

Commitment, thats a huge word. And its not in my dictionary just yet.

Day 2

Do you know how bad this feels?

When people tell me that you should be with her and not me? When people say I'm in the way, the third party? When they always talk to me about you and her? When they tell me how you guys laugh together always? Sometimes when I'm talking with my friends, they'll say something about you, and she'll respond; " Yeah, I know. He was telling me about it. He feels....... ". And I'm there, dumbfounded, because I can't even say the same thing. Not knowing how you feel when she does, I just feel pathetic. Hahaha. Owh wells, then again, I'm probably the best friend and she the girlfriend right? Honestly, do you know what I think about when I look at you now? Unsurprisingly, her. And the same, I think about you when I look at her. I know I know, I should know that she's just your best friend. But knowing and feeling are two different things. You can choose to know, but you can't choose to feel.

Honestly, I'm not blaming you. I'm not blaming her either. I'm not blaming anyone :) But it just gets harder every day. To face you, or her.

Day 1

I'm thinking.

Am I not always? Temperamental. Thinking. Wondering if..

Do you love me?
What am I asking. Of course the question is yes. But, here's the real question, do you know what's love? What is love? We watch tv, read books and get brain washed about what love is. Can love be explained in words? Can the feeling of being in love be represented by words? Isit that simple? I have no idea. But apparently, you do. So, what is love? Why isit that you always tell me you love me?
I'm just wondering.