Neglected.
Don't we all feel that at some point of time in our life.

I promised myself I wouldn't distant after high school. Why does it seem like I'm the first one doing just that?




I always believed that if you don't talk about it, we can still believe that it did not happen. But how come its different this time around? Neglecting the problem is slowly but surely making me feel neglected.

The connection I once had with the people around me, is now slowly fading away. That comfort I used to feel around my friends feels strange to me now. I feel this sense of awkwardness, around them - those whom I used to treat just like family. Like I'm now a stranger.

Loosing them feels like loosing a part of me. I tried to hold on so strongly to this side of me; friends. But I guess holding on too tightly to something will only make it go away faster.





I hate this feeling.

I hate trying to convince myself into thinking that things will be alright, when they never will be. All my life I've been running from problems. Everytime one is thrown at me, I'll just hide it in my closet and wait for it to just go away. Why wouldn't this one go away? Why do I feel like people are still judging me? Why do I feel like YOU ALL, are still judging me?

No one asked me about my side of the story. It was all just assumed that it was my fault. I know I've been bad, but that doesn't mean its always my blame to take. No one decided to stop all the judgemental tone and just ask me, as a concern friend, what happened.

Everytime that question popped up, it always sounds like a "what did you do this time?".
I did not choose for this to happen. I did not suddenly say; hey, you know what, I feel like ruining something good. So here it is, SHIT."
You think I didn't get it bad? Almost every morning, I wake up, asking myself, "why did this happen?". I can't help but remind myself that things are ruined. I keep trying to put that thought aside, but seriously easier said than done. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I'm not having a hard time. Just because I don't dwell about it doesn't mean my mind ain't right because of it. Seriously, whats the point of talking about it? Won't you all just judge me like you did before? Won't you all just takes sides? Why are there sides?!




I really hate it. Last time, whenever I'm faced with a problem, I'll just spill it out to any of my friends. No barrier or awkwardness. But now, who are my friends?


I'm out of place. I'm loosing this very important part of me, and it makes me feel like I'm loosing myself. I have no idea where I belong anymore.
All I do now is, college work. There's nothing that I look forward to now. Last time, I used to look forward to going online or just texting some friends. Now, .....








It sucks. It sucks so badly, and even more cause I can't even talk about it. It sucks so badly that I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Hate? Anger? Depression? It all feels the same.














When will things get better?