Dear non-existing readers :)

Lemme tell you this funny thing that happened!

One day, after gym, I went for dinner, feeling all sticky and disgusting! And all i could think about was going back to my hostel to shower! Soo, after dinner, I went back and showered :)

I was so happy! Thinking about the warm water cleansing my body, and my amazing shampoo smell filling the air. And thus, I went into the shower room and on the tap. The water was slow, so I just assumed the pressure was low. I squeezed my amazing Shurei on my hair, and scrub scrub scrub. And just when I wanted to wash my shampoo off, THE WATER STOPPED FLOWING!

NO FREAKING WATER!

I was stranded. In the shower. With shampoo in my hair!

Thus, I went back to my room, wrapped in my towel, with shampoo in my hair.

And now I'm blogging.

Thats right! This is happening, right NOW.

JPA Interview

This post is specially to those next year, who'll be going for the JPA scholarship interview :)

Soo, just last Thursday I had my JPA interview. Durrh, goosebumps all the way till that day came.

Here's a few pointers on how to prepare for the day,
1. If you're a debater then thumbs up for you (Y). If you're not, then start practicing. Strategize your points and make sure you speak facts!
2. Read the newspaper! Thats what everyone say. But if you're like me (hates the newspaper), then ask your dad to tell you whats going on in the society and economy.
3. Make sure you file is organized! What I did was, I had a title page for every section. Its way neater :)
4. Get your high school to certify every important document ie. IC, birthcert etc.

So, on that day itself. You'll have to arrive 30minutes earlier. Just be kiasu and go early! :)
Then you'll have to sign TWICE! First on a common board where they list your name and your interview room, which you'll see everyone gathering around. Next, you'll have to sign another time when you go to the waiting room.

Later, they'll take your clear folder with all your documents, and direct you to your interview room. Then, the interview starts.

Of course they'll first ask you to introduce yourself. They will ask you in BM, so its best if you prepare an introductory of yourself in BM. Then they'll probably ask you why you chose your course and the place of destination. Then they'll ask one open-ended question in BM, which you MUST answer in BM.

So, a few famous questions are:
1. Campaigns (why isn't it working?)
2. Health Centres (what do you think of it? is it good enough?)
3. Sports (what do you think about Malaysian sports? should we call for help from the overseas coach?)
4. Is the crime rate increasing or decreasing?
5. What can you bring back when you go overseas?
6. Reality tv. (are they bringing more good or bad to the society?)
7. *current issue. Japan earthquake (what can you learn from it?)

Do rmb, when they ask you in English, you may answer in English. But if they ask you in BM, do try your best to reply in BM.
Girls should wear Baju Kurung (preferably), and formal wear with tie for boys.

If they challenge you when you answer (like disagree with your point), then just stand firm and give logical reasons for your answers. They're not challenging you because you're wrong. There is no right or wrong answer. They just want to see how you handle situations like that, and to see if you can really think on the spot.

Also, always keep good eye contact. Firm but not aggressive.

All the best for your interview :)
Overall, its actually a very good experience. Just stay loose and it'll be fun :)

Prepare well guys!

I dont know, but somehow, we ended up in one of my family dinner/occasions. So out of place, huh? It was weird, almost, REALLY unbelievable. You were much excited compared to your usual self. After not seeing you in what felt like years, you seemed even more perfect than I remembered. Under the sunlight, you held my hands and the warmth of your palm filled mine instantly. I remember you telling me that if your palms are always red, it means your blood circulation is good. Everytime I take a glance at my palms, it'll remind me of your huge red palm, warm and secure. You smiled at me with so much enthusiasm, without a word. Words didn't need to be said or heard, cause I've always liked just looking at you smile. Somehow, we were walking down the street, just holding hands and strolling aimlessly. If I had a choice, I'd wish that this street didn't have to come to an end.

But it did. Ended, with me waking up to my alarm.


I've always enjoyed these little dreams about you, which may seem meaningless, but to me, its means almost everything. I guess its a way to remind myself how wonderful you made me feel :)

Saved messages means a lot to me. Its a way of saying that, you're being saved in my heart. Hahah. So, that day, I finally had the guts to delete your messages from my phone, meaning shedding my feelings for you, finally. But I realised, you can't just delete someone off your heart like a message in a phone. How can I when I've already memorised your messages? Heh :R

I also came to a conclusion, I don't want to delete you off my life. You mean to much for me to just forget about you. How can one do that?

Now I truly understand, you don't need to see someone, or hold them, even talk to them to like them. If you have them in your heart, you wont need PDA (public display of affection).

"Getting someone is not liking them. Getting some is just an infatuation."
ORIGINAL QUOTE by yours truly :)

Barb's been qued! Hahahah I meant barbeque :)

Had a night out with the flower, dragon and dinasour gang! :D Except Daey and Jon were missing :(

But it was a fun night :)

Zhan's house was amazing! Yes yess, rich kid ==

&Mag's cooking was 'yat lao'. Hahahah Gotta express myself in cantonese cause english words can't describe how amazing a chef she is!

Because of that, she deserves a SOLO picture!

Well, as usual, the boys were sitting most of the time! But they did cook, a lil'. :P

Whats a poolside barbeque party if you don't jump into the pool after that?! :D

Heh So we splash splash splash in ze pool, and the guys won't want me telling you this, but I made them do synchronise swimming in the pool! Hahahah It was hilarious! Obviously Zhan and Xing has no coordination whatsoever :P

&we had a train ride in the waters. Hahahah It was uber cool. Conclusion: We gotta do this more often! :D

After that, we head down to Mcd for some extra food :P

Don't ever let Zhan drive when CK is driving too. They'll start beating each other like some Daytona game ==

Hmm, what else can we do in Mcd since we're not allowed in the playground section?

CAMWHORE! ;)

Nway, I'm out of words! Pictures speak a thousand words right? Soo, there's my thousand words!

200th :)

This post deserves a title, since its the 200th post :)

I'm proud of my bloggie, which I will name, bloggie from now :D

Its been through ups and downs with me. If you actually read through all my old posts (I doubt anyone would, such a bore), you'll see how I actually evolve from a girl to a lady !

Chehwa, so pro :P

Nway, reading my past posts, I realised, I've been through alot with people whom I really treasure. Lately I've been having ... flashbacks, just reminiscing about the past :)

No doubt, if I were to go through it all again, I wouldn't change a thing. Whether I was upset, or drowned in drama, I would do it all again. Thinking about it, I really miss those times. &I really miss you peeps too :)

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" (Dolly Parton). :)

This rainbow in my life, is spectacular. More colourful than any one that I've seen ;)

Every colour represents each special "someone" who has really made an impact in my life.

Last time, I used to look at the bottle as half empty. But now, I always see it as half full. You've really made an impact my life, and I would never forget you since you're already in my memory box! (like literally, I have a box filled with memories aka letters. Hahah)

I really feel like making a tribute to these people. Like through a song or smtg :)

Fun fact: Every person who has made an impact in my life has their own song. Everytime I hear that 'special' song, I would automatically think about that person! So I really feel like expressing myself through those songs! Buuut you see, I'm not exactly musically talented. LOL Soo, we'll see :)

Good evening!

Its a lovely day, isn't it?

NOT! Its too hot for my bangs to handle.

Yes, you heard me right, I bang my hair - as Mag puts it :P

Why would I do that? Well, people say when you cut your hair, you're cutting away your past, all the sorrow, and just starting a new life.

I say ... thats a drama show.

Hahahahah I'm trying not to be dramatic this year :)

Soo, reason for my bangs? A new look! :)

Actually, I've been wanting bangs for long, so I finally got it! Hopefully the zits dont pay a visit :P

Here's a look at the bangs!

So, how does it look?

Btw, I CUT MY OWN BANGS! Heheheeh Cool ;)

ooh, I love my YouCam and that explains the numerous poses! Got carried away :O

Thats it for now. Girls gotta study! Ciao :)

~~ piu piu

P.A.S.A.R. M.A.L.A.M. (Y)


I'm not exaggerating but its been at least 2 years since I've been to one :(
&I finally got to go to one ytd :)



Ytd, I went to the pasar malam with me friends, and gosh it was millions of funs! (grammatically WRONG!)
But yeah, I've definitely gotta be socialble again :)


Before pasar malam, I was in Phun's house, on Skype with Xing and Swen. Hahaha &so here's a treat for y'all, a really retarded picture of Xing :P

HAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAH :P :P :P

We told him to try touching his nose with his tongue, doing lala 1-10. & then we took millions of snapshots of him ;)

After laughing at Xing ..... we finally went to the pasar malam. No kidding, but I was starving!!
Soooo, we had asam laksa, chra koay teow, and har mee ;) Maan was it delicious yo!

I kinda forgot how a pasar malam works. LOL Walking around aimlessly and buying this buying that. Hahahah Actually, just buying all food :P

I GOT MY WHEEL-O!! Guessing whats that??

Its the only thing I ALWAYS buy from the pasar malam! :D

After that, we had the most thrilling ride back home. Gosh, Xing .. I know you're a good driver .. but pls ahh, control sikit ==

I swear you almost banged into a car, TWICE!

Hahaah And the highlight of our adventure? Making your 20 point turn :P
We drove into this really tight alley, thinking that we'd make it out the other end, manatau it was blocked ==
So we had to go back. &Xing had to do a 20-point-turn (actually its a 3-point-turn), while Manda and I became point-turn police (traffic police). Hahahahh!

&Not to mention, the alley was dark .. deserted ... and cold ~~~~

:P

The holidays are finally starting to feel like a holiday :D But its ending :(

I love .. friends, outings, adventure and stars! Hmm .. random :P



Ookay, gotta be socialble! Skype shall be my new best friend! Hahaahah

A glimpse of the past :)

Xing : I want the legs.
Des : Give me the legs!
Xing : Let's split the legs.
Des : Eh Xing, I can't lah.
Xing : Hold one leg open!
Mag : Aiyo, why you guys complain so much! I give you my body lah!

*burst out in laughter*

Hahaha Keep in mind, we were talking about the crab's leg and body during Manda's steamboat :P

Today ....

Jia : Where's the hair?
Xing : In your ears! Just use your fingers.
Phun : Yaa, finger your ears lah.

Laugh out LOUD !!

Hahaahh Again, keep in mind, we were talking about how alot of hair is in Jia's ears after he had his haircut and we asked him to use his fingers to take it out.


Good times ;)

Ooh, correction ... still a good time :)


Heh, had such a fun time today! Forgot what it was like to have a social life outside school :P



Btw! By the grace of God, I got my results today, and it was (Y) :D:D:D
Heh, ytd, I told God, whatever results that is given to me tmr, please let my family and I wholeheartedly accept it. God really has his ways with life :) :)










But then, there are those whom God has other plans for. I'm not always good at consolling people, but I really wanna try ... to be there for you, when others are caught up with other things. So, pick up your phone!

Nway, congrats to everyone who did so amazingly well :)
Especially me buddy, Xing! Aaah, I feel so happy for you! Like truly. Usually I'll get jealous and be like, WHY ISN'T THAT ME?? But this time, I really know how it feels to be sincerely happy for a friend! You definitely deserved it :) :)
LIVE THE MOMENT!! :D





Right .. I'm out, loves :)

Its been long since I updated right? People may think that I'm still in a state of depression if I don't. So here it is :)

Hmm, I tend to blog only when I'm in a terrible state of misery. Hahah Thats when I don't have to think before I type, cause emotions take control of the keyboard :)

Soooo now, I'm thinking, and thus, lets put on our thinking caps!

Heh :P

Just 2 days ago, I was reading Xing's blog (which was updated 93847years ago), and it brought back so many memories :)

So I was just thinking, would I want to look back at my blog, and see the sad side of my memories with a few of the most wonderful people I've ever encountered, or start blogging about happier things regarding them?

Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy ??

Hahahah. Need I choose? :)

But then again, easier said than done! This blog is like my best friend who listens to all my problems when other people won't. Sooo, I'm just saying, I'll start telling you happier stuffs too. Okie bloggy? :)

Why don't we end with a joke?

Hehehe I have a special ringtone for my mom too :P
It goes like "Your mamas calling. For no good reason but just to chat. She'll wastes your minute talking bout the cat. And how daddy has gotten fat. Don't pick up the phone, go mama go." With the Sexy Back tune :P

Hahahhaa. I loove Zits :)
Love it so much that its starting to camp on my face ==



Heh. Nights :]

I had a look at my diary just now, after many days of not doing so, and now I regret it.

I read my new year's diary entry and its said;

New year resolution :
1. Love my family
2. Love my high school friends
3. Make new memorable times with new college friends
4. Score with flying colours for SAM
5. Don't get into trouble :P


It seems like New Year Resolutions don't always work out.





I read my old entries too.
Gosh, I used to be so jubilant. Just talking about school, friends, people.
There was so much memories.. Every little detail that made me smile, I would have jotted it down. I didn't wanna miss a single moment of happiness with my friends and family.


But now, I ask myself; what am I doing?

I'm pilling myself with college work just so I don't have to think about everything that I've lost. I didn't wanna stop being busy because I knew if I did, I'll start thinking about foolish things again. But just for that moment of weakness, when I read my diary, I reminded myself of all the reasons I'm feeling sad.






My mind says stop running away, but my feet just won't listen.

Neglected.
Don't we all feel that at some point of time in our life.

I promised myself I wouldn't distant after high school. Why does it seem like I'm the first one doing just that?




I always believed that if you don't talk about it, we can still believe that it did not happen. But how come its different this time around? Neglecting the problem is slowly but surely making me feel neglected.

The connection I once had with the people around me, is now slowly fading away. That comfort I used to feel around my friends feels strange to me now. I feel this sense of awkwardness, around them - those whom I used to treat just like family. Like I'm now a stranger.

Loosing them feels like loosing a part of me. I tried to hold on so strongly to this side of me; friends. But I guess holding on too tightly to something will only make it go away faster.





I hate this feeling.

I hate trying to convince myself into thinking that things will be alright, when they never will be. All my life I've been running from problems. Everytime one is thrown at me, I'll just hide it in my closet and wait for it to just go away. Why wouldn't this one go away? Why do I feel like people are still judging me? Why do I feel like YOU ALL, are still judging me?

No one asked me about my side of the story. It was all just assumed that it was my fault. I know I've been bad, but that doesn't mean its always my blame to take. No one decided to stop all the judgemental tone and just ask me, as a concern friend, what happened.

Everytime that question popped up, it always sounds like a "what did you do this time?".
I did not choose for this to happen. I did not suddenly say; hey, you know what, I feel like ruining something good. So here it is, SHIT."
You think I didn't get it bad? Almost every morning, I wake up, asking myself, "why did this happen?". I can't help but remind myself that things are ruined. I keep trying to put that thought aside, but seriously easier said than done. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I'm not having a hard time. Just because I don't dwell about it doesn't mean my mind ain't right because of it. Seriously, whats the point of talking about it? Won't you all just judge me like you did before? Won't you all just takes sides? Why are there sides?!




I really hate it. Last time, whenever I'm faced with a problem, I'll just spill it out to any of my friends. No barrier or awkwardness. But now, who are my friends?


I'm out of place. I'm loosing this very important part of me, and it makes me feel like I'm loosing myself. I have no idea where I belong anymore.
All I do now is, college work. There's nothing that I look forward to now. Last time, I used to look forward to going online or just texting some friends. Now, .....








It sucks. It sucks so badly, and even more cause I can't even talk about it. It sucks so badly that I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Hate? Anger? Depression? It all feels the same.














When will things get better?

We often forget how much of an impact we can be to someone.

I used to spend all my time after school thinking about what my friends or classmates thought about me. Whether I made a fool of myself during lunch, or offended someone while cracking up a joke. If someone were to told me I did something wrong to someone, it'll bug me the whole day. Making me think about what I can do to make things better.

I hate that feeling. The feeling of living your life, thinking about why other people aren't satisfied with you.
Which was why, if you had noticed, I closed my blog.

I closed my blog, deactivated Facebook, stoppped texting, stopped onlining.

Just trying to run away. I was so tired. So tired of responding to judgemental questions. So tired of pretending. So tired of people.
I had some time to myself. Just living life, for myself. It was like breathing new air.

But I realised, spending my days just for myself isn't worth it. God gave me life, so that I can give life to someone else. If I could make a difference to someone, wouldn't that be amazing? That'll be a dream.

But you know what, you can judge me all you want, you can gossip about me (because I may be doing the same. Heheh). No matter what you say, I'll still be here. But not for you, for those who'll actually appreciate my presence.

Helloo, dear faithful followers :) [mostly just the two indians whom I sayang banyak. hehehe]

Sorry! For being sooo the very sad lately. Hahahah!

Its just that, this blog is meant for me to blab out everything when I'm sad or angry!

So, too bad :P

But just to show you I have a less emotional side, imma post bout smtg else today :)

Hey, its the most ROMANTIC day of the year ....

sooooo, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !
it took soo looong for me to do that ==

How did you spend your day? :)

Well, I spent it ... single, again. It doesn't seem all that bad. The highlight of today was Snowflakes with Xing & Jia. Aww, couldn't get any better than that, actually :)

Yo, speaking of being romantic, tonight was kinda romantic. I had Thai food for dinner! Gosh, SUPER spicy! Well, it ignited my lips for the night. HAHAH x)

Ooh, I looked up at the sky, and the moon was shining so brightly! The stars were glimmering ever so shyly and the clouds were swaying slowly wherever the wind took them. Aah, love doing that each night :) & I did all that with my parents! Love you, daddy mommy x)

Who says you can only enjoy Valentine's Day if you have a lover? I enjoyed my night, just staring at the wonders of God's work. How the "moonlight bathes the contours of your face" - Don Mclean - Hahahaha!


So, enjoy the rest of the day guys. &even if the world won't wanna share Vday with you, I'm always just a text away :) unless if I ran out of credit :P


Btw, if you're wondering who's the cute bear, he's BUDSTER! :)
My one and only Valentine's gift from last year. And no, he's not from my non-excistence boyfriend, it was given to me by 3 of the funniest, lamest, strangest yet my most treasured buddies, Shamand Syahir Vino :) :)


Peace!

I don't care if strangers judge me.
I don't like it when friends judge me.
I hate it when family judge me.

I'm not perfect. I know that. You aren't either.

Who am I to say, 'stop judging people' when I too commit that sin. I'm only human. Lured to sin by temptation. But I do try. I try to be nicer, I try to do better. But you never seem to understand that. 'Don't judge people' - however imperfect you can be, doesn't that at least apply to your family members?

I'm not some picture that you painted. You can't just change me however you want. I am who I am, when will you learn to understand that? And don't act like you know me so well. How can you know me better than myself? Don't judge me based on what I appear to be. I may be smiling, but I'm breaking inside. I may be jumping, but I'm falling inside. Don't look at me, and make judgements just because you think you know me well. If you really did know me that well, we wouldn't be at an impasse now.


I'm just sick of people making judgement about me.
Wrong judgements.



If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.

Almond shaped eyes with what seems like almost the perfect set of double eye-lids ( which I envy oh-so-MUCH! ). Rosy cheeks which adds so much colour to your already brightened face. Aah, I'm speaking like a lesbian, but if I were to turn lesbian, it's probably because of you. Not because you're beautiful, but because that heart of yours shines so much brighter than mine :)

I can truly say, you are my Destinee ! Hahahah Don't you just love how your name compliments every sentence people make? ( Oh, if you listen to Phil Collin's You'll Be In My Heart, there's one line where he says; When destiny calls you, you must be strong. HAHAH! So true. When Destinee calls me, I must be strong :P Btw, you've still not called me == )

How long has it been since we blogged about people for their birthdays? Hahaha. I don't usually do this, but you are the only exception ;)

How cliche can I go with you? "Through ups and downs you've always been with me"? Okay, must I really state the obvious. Hahah
If anyone were to ask me why you're one of my besties in the whole wide world, I'll just answer, because you're you :) No lies, not even a tinge of sarcasm. You're truly amazing just the way you are.

Let me bring us back to when we started. YOU BETTER CONTINUE READING! x)
We weren't really close in Form 1 or 2. It was only in Form 3, when we were in the same class, that we really connected and somehow ended up spending every living school moment together. Hahahah No complains here. Except that I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE! LOL
Rmb how you'll always say "we're stuck together". We really are :)

I guess it really was fate that brought us together, bestie. Even when we were in Leo, I never really thought of you as President nor I of Vice. I'm not being rude :P But, I've always seen it as us, together, running a family. Hahah "Ketua Rumah" x) If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't have picked anyone else in the world besides you. Cross my heart, that is the truth :)

Being best friends with someone doesn't just mean telling that person your secret or spending every living moment together. It actually means understanding each other and just being yourself around them, whether you're feeling good or bad. And you are one of the people I can feel like that with. Around you, there's no deception, or masks, or whatever. I'm just .. ME.

Distance will not draw us apart, I assure you that. True friendship aren't bound by time nor distance. We're besties. Like you said, we're stuck together :)

Ooops, this really sounds like a love letter :P
Des, it just goes without saying that I'm always always here. Whether we're in different colleges, or that we live years apart, or that I sometimes don't reply you, I'm still just a phone call away (YOU BETTER CALL ME THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY SO!)

Even if the whole world won't believe you, I would.
Even if the whole world says your hair looks weird, I'll tell you the truth. ( hey, if it IS weird, I gotta say smtg right? :P )


How else should I end this if its not with a MERRY HAPPY JOLLY BIRTHDAY!
One year older makes no difference to thy ageless beauty.
Hahhahah! I'm a poet :)




YO WOMAN. THIS BETTER NOT BE THE ONLY LINE YOU'RE READING! I TRUST THAT YOU READ MY HEARTFELT POST OKAY! ITS NOT EVERYDAY THAT PPL GET A SPECIAL POST FROM ME! PEACE :)

In times of doubt, I bow my head, ask for Your forgiveness and turn to You in prayer.

I've never stopped asking. Maybe because that's all I've ever known how to do. What I mean to say is, why do we ask, but never give?

We always expect things to be easy. We expect to receive whatever we ask for, to gain whatever we worked for. Things aren't always so simple, if it was, we wouldn't be living.
Life is bigger than just you and me. The world is like the beach, and we're just that one grain of sand. How small, how tiny, but when added to all the other grains, we form the beach. Does my metaphor make any sense? :)

In life, we tend to search endlessly for things which empower us. Materialistic things which show our wealthiness, our power. Having more does not stop us from wanting more. Do we not realise that these things will just be left behind after we're dead?

We always ask for things that'll feed our unending lust for material things, but we never ask for things that'll feed our spirit, that'll feed our soul. Why are we so ignorant? This blindness has been leading on for too long. So much so that we start believing that there is nothing hardwork can not gain. I'm not saying that's wrong.. but because of that mindset, we make ourself believe that mankind is power. That mankind can do everything. The truth is, we can't. We can part the sea, we can't walk on water or awaken the dead. Men are imperfect, and we fail to remind ourselves of that.

Humility. Do we not understand that word any longer? Look up, be awaken. We have to admit that we are incomplete, as imperfect as we are. We have to once again find our reason to live. Don't waste your life, but live your life for a purpose that is bigger than yourself.


I guess my point is, we shouldn't ask for things like, an iPhone even though we have a Sony phone. ( thats me :P )
Need versus want. We need food, we want a chocolate sundae. Big different!

For a change, look around, be grateful. Don't ask for things to feed your ego. Instead, search for things to feed your heart. Hope, faith, love :)

For weeks and weeks I've been dreading for this. College day.

Sometimes when you expect alot out of something, you usually get really hit by reality and tumble back, hitting hard on the ground.
I don't know why am I feeling this way. Its like, when I'm in college, everything seems fine. Just making new friends, talking about common interests, and hanging out for lunch. But once I reach home, I just suddenly get this stupid depression shit that makes me so upset and so literally lifeless. Its like, all I can think about is "what if i'll have to spend tmr's break alone?" "what if i gotta roam the college alone?" "what if i'm the dumbest in the class and no one likes me?". Stupid complicated mind.

I know i shouldn't be complaining about my life, since its already good enough that i have my friends with me. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to figure out why I'm always so upset when I get home. JAN, geez, stop being such a loser ==

Maan, thinking about the work thats gonna be pilled up just adds to my depression state. In a way, I guess it'll take my mind off things? But it still sucks :( I think, and this time, I'm pretty sure, that my class is filled with really smart ppl! Like, I'm gonna be bottom rock :( D.I.E.


I missssss you!!

What does the future hold for me? What is my purpose in life? More specifically, what do I want to pursue in my career life? These are the questions that keep lingering in my mind, leaving me anxious with every decision that I make now. Is my future really laid out for me already? Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about pursuing a career in actuarial studies. But is that really my calling? Or is it just other people’s desire that has been infiltrated in my mind due time? I’ve been writing essays for scholarships, and each one requires me to describe my passion that’s driven me to my career choice. The question is, what is my career choice? Since I have none, I just wrote every essay talking about how I aspire to be an actuarist. After writing so many essays and constantly hearing people’s comments like “You should be an actuarist. Your maths is amazing.” I start subconsciously telling myself that I want to be an actuarist too. Do I really? People say I should pursue actuarial studies because I’m good in add mathematics. Am I really? Truth is, I never thought I was really as good as what I appear to be. And add mathematics is just a very small part of mathematics as a whole. It can really be compared to just another cell in our body! So, what makes me think that I will succeed as an actuarist, or even graduate as one, just because I’m good in add maths?

Confucius once said, “If you do what you like for a living, you’ll never work a day in your life”. When I read that quote, I said to myself “Wow, I want to feel like that one day”. If so, why am I flooded in a pool or confusion now? I just don’t want to make the wrong decision this time. This is probably the most important decision in my life! Right after choosing the right guy to marry.
I wanna do this right. I wanna know for sure, what I wanna pursue and not just let other people talk me into it.

Make. A. Choice!

He is so my inspiration :D HAHAAH

Dang right girl, who needs a boyfriend to feel good? :)

Who put the cookie in the cookie jar?
Hahaah Random :)

Wow, everyone is using tumblr. Why why? Don't they have enough bottles? Gettit? Tumblr = tumbler = bottle? :P
But I shall be loyal to Blogger :) Since this is just like a cyber diary, where you guys can read bout my stuff and maybe relate to my teenage life? Hahaha
That, and also, I have no idea how to work Tumblr. Heheh

Rigght, so yesterday, I had a slight moment of breakdown. Reminiscing about school. It all started 'cause my dear buddy Shamand msged me. Aaaah, yess, I'm blaming it on you.

"Jan, you've been an amazing friend to me and I hope we stay friends forever! Make sure to keep in touch!"

Those were the common phrases that everyone from my primary school wrote in my biodata book. But look who I'm actually keeping in contact with? None of 'em. Thats what truth is. We say one, we mean another.
So now I'm wondering, will it be the same with my high school friends? I already feel like I'm losing out. I miss everything. Like the times we used to walk wherever, talk whenever, sleep however. I feel like I don't know what my journey is anymore now that I've lost passion in everything I do. I just hate this feeling :(

This is all because of work! (& Shamand :P)
It forced me to face the fact that, sooner or later, we'll all have to grow up.
I don't mind growing old, I just . dont . want . to . GROW . UP.

Hey soul sisters :D
Or brothers ;)

Guess who's working? Hahaha None other than ... yours truly :)
Yess, you heard right. I'm actually working! LOL
No interviews, no cv or resume. Just plain sexiness.
HAHA I made that up :P

I'm just helping out with some data entry thing, like a one-day job!
Hey, Rm60 per day. Good money man ;)
But but, since I'm just awesome, they asked me to come back again!
Sooo, like a say, good money :)

But maan, its really tiring to work -.-
Daddy, I love you so much for bringing the bacon home. Hahaha



P/S: I'm actually blogging from work! :P

Time is passing by. Day by day, night by night. Rain or shine, my day still stays. Its like I'm waiting for something to happen. Waiting for a sign, maybe? Waiting for and end, maybe? There seems to be nothing to look forward to nowadays. Gaah, just, gimme something! Happy or sad, at least let me feel something!

To hold on, or to let go?
Its only two days into the new year and I feel like 2010 is slipping away faster than leaking water in a bucket with holes.

Dreams don't always come true. Neither do promises. But I was hoping this one would.

We made a promise, that we will try. That I didn't have to worry each and every day. We made, a promise. But surely, none of us kept to it. I tried. I really did. Every chance I had, I tried to rekindle something. But somehow, I feel you slipping away. The memories of us are faint, fading slowly. The days we spend together were limited, but I still felt you, close enough. It has been a long time since I felt that way. I want to believe that you're still there. I want to believe that you still feel the way you did. But all hope seem to draw me to despair. We knew we'd end up this way, which is why we stood static. I guess we made the right choice.

At least I know what you decided on. So the question is, what am I deciding on. A new year, a new resolution, to forget you? Easier said than done. How does one do that when everything one does reminds one of you? Should I say that you were a curse upon me, or a blessing in diguise? Either way, you're taking up too much of my memory. Ppl say, you need to know when is the right time to let go. I'm not sure if its now, for I'm still waiting for something to happen. But only time will tell, no?

Truth is, I still miss you every single day.