Monday, June 14, 2010
Day 6
What more can I say when the day of truth is almost approaching? Is there a runaway route for me to take?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Day 5
I want you to be my friend. I can't get used to any more than that. With you, when the words I Love You comes out of your mouth, it brings along coupling, girlfriend, wife, kids, forever ever after! You're sooo committed. So much so that it makes me afraid. And it makes it so much for fearful that I see her in you. This is all just so wrong. WRONG
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Day 4
" I'm sorry for making you feel like the third party. "
I was contemplating about how I should feel when I read that. Happy? Relieved? Confused? I guess its a little bit of each of the above. When I said we needed to talk, I typed it with a smile. Because I really want to tell you things. You've always said that I hide things from you, that I don't tell you enough. So, once and for all, I wanna tell you how I felt while you were gone. About everything I was thinking. But then fear stepped in when I started thinking about how you would react. I know you, you would'nt let it go even if you said you don't care. And you would face this with a frown, with sighs, with heartbreaks. I'm not letting go. I just want a fresh start. I think there have just been too many things that happened between us. All those tears, those disappointment, those betrayals. Its hard to move on having those things hanging on to me. I just want to know you again. To forget about the past, and make a new beginning. To start all over again, from the beginning, friends. Can we ever?
I was contemplating about how I should feel when I read that. Happy? Relieved? Confused? I guess its a little bit of each of the above. When I said we needed to talk, I typed it with a smile. Because I really want to tell you things. You've always said that I hide things from you, that I don't tell you enough. So, once and for all, I wanna tell you how I felt while you were gone. About everything I was thinking. But then fear stepped in when I started thinking about how you would react. I know you, you would'nt let it go even if you said you don't care. And you would face this with a frown, with sighs, with heartbreaks. I'm not letting go. I just want a fresh start. I think there have just been too many things that happened between us. All those tears, those disappointment, those betrayals. Its hard to move on having those things hanging on to me. I just want to know you again. To forget about the past, and make a new beginning. To start all over again, from the beginning, friends. Can we ever?
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Day 3
I think I'm suppose to be publishing posts about how much I miss you. Yeah, I do miss you. But I don't want to. Unlike you, I can't be ... committed. Does that make me a player? I'm not ready for it. I'm seventeen. I'm just not ready to be committed. I mean, I like you, yeah, I do. But I'm just not ready to be with you. I'm not ready to tell you things you tell me. I'm not ready to treat you differently from other guys, like specially. I'm not ready to be more than friends with you. I just can't repay you. I'm the one thats not good enough. Do you understand?
Commitment, thats a huge word. And its not in my dictionary just yet.
Commitment, thats a huge word. And its not in my dictionary just yet.
Day 2
Do you know how bad this feels?
When people tell me that you should be with her and not me? When people say I'm in the way, the third party? When they always talk to me about you and her? When they tell me how you guys laugh together always? Sometimes when I'm talking with my friends, they'll say something about you, and she'll respond; " Yeah, I know. He was telling me about it. He feels....... ". And I'm there, dumbfounded, because I can't even say the same thing. Not knowing how you feel when she does, I just feel pathetic. Hahaha. Owh wells, then again, I'm probably the best friend and she the girlfriend right? Honestly, do you know what I think about when I look at you now? Unsurprisingly, her. And the same, I think about you when I look at her. I know I know, I should know that she's just your best friend. But knowing and feeling are two different things. You can choose to know, but you can't choose to feel.
Honestly, I'm not blaming you. I'm not blaming her either. I'm not blaming anyone :) But it just gets harder every day. To face you, or her.
When people tell me that you should be with her and not me? When people say I'm in the way, the third party? When they always talk to me about you and her? When they tell me how you guys laugh together always? Sometimes when I'm talking with my friends, they'll say something about you, and she'll respond; " Yeah, I know. He was telling me about it. He feels....... ". And I'm there, dumbfounded, because I can't even say the same thing. Not knowing how you feel when she does, I just feel pathetic. Hahaha. Owh wells, then again, I'm probably the best friend and she the girlfriend right? Honestly, do you know what I think about when I look at you now? Unsurprisingly, her. And the same, I think about you when I look at her. I know I know, I should know that she's just your best friend. But knowing and feeling are two different things. You can choose to know, but you can't choose to feel.
Honestly, I'm not blaming you. I'm not blaming her either. I'm not blaming anyone :) But it just gets harder every day. To face you, or her.
Day 1
I'm thinking.
Am I not always? Temperamental. Thinking. Wondering if..
Do you love me?
What am I asking. Of course the question is yes. But, here's the real question, do you know what's love? What is love? We watch tv, read books and get brain washed about what love is. Can love be explained in words? Can the feeling of being in love be represented by words? Isit that simple? I have no idea. But apparently, you do. So, what is love? Why isit that you always tell me you love me?
I'm just wondering.
Am I not always? Temperamental. Thinking. Wondering if..
Do you love me?
What am I asking. Of course the question is yes. But, here's the real question, do you know what's love? What is love? We watch tv, read books and get brain washed about what love is. Can love be explained in words? Can the feeling of being in love be represented by words? Isit that simple? I have no idea. But apparently, you do. So, what is love? Why isit that you always tell me you love me?
I'm just wondering.
Friday, May 28, 2010
I know I'm never there for you. I know I can't treat you well. I can never put you as my main priority. I can never commit. But at least I know that. I've told you before, I'm just trouble. Whenever you need someone, I'm never there. And ironicaly she is. I don't mind and I'm not angry. Its just, she's there for you more than I am. She's the one for you. Not me. Believe me or not. Deep inside, somewhere deep deep down your heart, the girl that you truly like isn't me. Its her :) And I've learnt to see that now. The only reason you like me, is because you couldn't get me. Hahah. I'm not saying you're a player. But its just the attraction law of human nature. You don't really like me. You're just curious about me. Like how it'll be if we were together. You know the song, If I let you go by Westlife? Yea, thats just what you're feeling. But its not love, I can tell you that. I'm not the one.
You said that you'll always be there for me right? Hahaha. Truth it, you barely were. There were times when I needed you, and you were with her :) there were times where I'll break down but you weren't there, instead, other people were. I just don't tell you about those times after it passed. But now that I look back at it, we're really not meant for each other. I think things were better before we decided to take a step forward.
I used to laugh with you, used to look forward to spending time with you. But now I don't feel the excitement anymore. I don't laugh when I'm with you, I don't act like myself when I'm around you. And I think you feel the same way. We don't talk much, thats a fact. We're just awkward now. Hahaha.
I guess we're better off being friends. Maybe all these while, I'm the best friend and she's the girlfriend :) Trust me in this, she's the one for you. She cares so much more about you than I do. She's there, and I won't be. Believe it or not, I really want you guys to be together :)
So, save three of us from this agony, look into your heart and find out that you're in love with her, not me :)
Hahaha. This is really like talking to myself. Maybe one day, I'll be brave enough to actually unlock my blog so that you'll read this. For now, lets just keep it in my head (:
You said that you'll always be there for me right? Hahaha. Truth it, you barely were. There were times when I needed you, and you were with her :) there were times where I'll break down but you weren't there, instead, other people were. I just don't tell you about those times after it passed. But now that I look back at it, we're really not meant for each other. I think things were better before we decided to take a step forward.
I used to laugh with you, used to look forward to spending time with you. But now I don't feel the excitement anymore. I don't laugh when I'm with you, I don't act like myself when I'm around you. And I think you feel the same way. We don't talk much, thats a fact. We're just awkward now. Hahaha.
I guess we're better off being friends. Maybe all these while, I'm the best friend and she's the girlfriend :) Trust me in this, she's the one for you. She cares so much more about you than I do. She's there, and I won't be. Believe it or not, I really want you guys to be together :)
So, save three of us from this agony, look into your heart and find out that you're in love with her, not me :)
Hahaha. This is really like talking to myself. Maybe one day, I'll be brave enough to actually unlock my blog so that you'll read this. For now, lets just keep it in my head (:
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