You know, its funny when you read back your old posts and wonder how did you manage to come up with words and sentences like that? It like a different person is managing your words for you. Well, this is what happens when trouble takes over your minds.

Sometimes the memories of our history flashes through my mind and I wonder over and over again if I made a mistake letting go. But then again, too late to change anything now. Of course I appreciate every moment we spent together. Whether we were laughing, secretly liking, scolding, arguing, lying or whatever crap we were doing. But now it's time to let go. Our memories together will stick close to me while you build your new memories. Truthfully, I'm happy for you (:

Trying is such a simple word, but it holds so much more than just 6 alphabets. We try everyday in life. Whether we're trying to fit in, trying to be funny, trying to laugh or whatever. We all do this for one reason, to be noticed. Who doesn't wanna be the popular one? Who doesn't wanna e loved? But sometimes, things just doesn't go your way. Just because you tried, doesn't mean you'd succeed. 'Cause hey, everyone is trying just as hard as you. Sometimes, I just feel so tired of trying. No wait! Scratch that. I feel tired of failing whenever I try to do something. When I try to laugh along just so i don't get left out, when I try to keep talking just so there wont be an awkward moment, when I try to be funny just so people will laugh with me not at me. Sometimes, you just gotta know when to stop trying. But one things for sure, I'm not going to stop trying now. Even if it means embarrassing myself, or crying in the showers every night, I'd try hard to find who I am. To stop sailing without a compass. To find myself.

And when I do find myself, I'd finally be able to laugh out loud from my heart and not from my mind. I'd be able to stand up tall and be proud of myself. For now, I just need a lil' bit of support from the people around me. I believe that support is where we get our faith and hope for us to keep trying though we failed numerous times.

If I can keep trying, why can't you?

Wow, it has really been a long time since I blogged right? I bet nobody even comes here anymore.
So I guess its safe to dump some shit here right? Hahah.

Well, I really don't know whats going on in my life anymore. Friends whom I used to talk to every minute of everyday are slowly slipping away. Heck, its even a miracle that I say more than 5 words to them in a day. People whom I used to talk to every night is slowly ignoring me. Did so many things change during the holidays?

Sometimes I really don't know what I want. People say, just follow your heart. But my heart can't make up its mind. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Urghh. I'm just really confused with everything right now. Things used to be so simple last time, just like abc. We used to laugh and joke around without any secrets and burden. But I guess as we grow older, the laughter tones down and the burdens build up.

I just don't want to leave high school knowing that our friendship ended like that because of mistakes that nobody could prevent. I want to make a difference in people's lives before leaving, I wanna mark my presence in your hearts because you have done the same to mine. So, please give me another chance to fix us.

I`M GOING TO JAPAN!!

Whooott :DD
That gives me a good reason to unblog my blog.

Muahhaahh!!

Anyway, I doubt anyone is reading this :P

This holiday is definitely something to remember, even before I go to Japan.
It has taught me alot about family, friendship, annoying people (aka DROOL), relationships etc.

I just feel like this whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Before this, I would be dreaming and worrying about the same thing night over night.
But not anymore.

And I thank you for that (:


Now, imma leave for Japan in peace,
cry there for a few nights,
then start camwhoring like crazy,
and last but not least,
come home and laugh laugh laugh.

MUHAHAAH!!

Loovess (:

.....

Sometimes songs can speak so much. Just the harmony, the lyrics, the way its sung. You can express so much, everything thats hidden inside, with just a song.

Lies lies lies. Its true that one lie leads to another. And another, and another. Eventually the lies pile up and there's no way to get out. Sometimes you lie to protect someone, or maybe just protect yourself. The truth hurts most of the time. And us, just mere humans, deadly afraid of being hurt, lies to run away from the pain and sorrow. But sooner or later, we'd have to face the truth and explain our lies. Yupe, the explaining part sucks the most.

Sometimes when you lie too much, it makes it hard for anyone to trust you ever again. You come to a point where you realize that all the lying in the past does not pay off when this one person, whom you want so badly to trust you, doesn't. So yeah, it sucks being the kid who shouted 'WOLF' too many times.

But what if this works two ways? What if, you're being lied to too? Its so funny that we both say we trust each other no matter what, but yet we still doubt each others' words. We say we'd never get mad at each other, and yet we still do. Words are so easily manipulated. People no longer say things they mean, they just say it to please others.

So, how can I trust you when your actions speak otherwise?

How do you be with someone that you feel guilty around? How do you like someone that tells you you're living off the guilt for all the things you've done wrong? Shouldn't he be saying; It's alright. It's not your fault. But then again, he'd be lying, no? But I don't get it. You just like rubbing it into my face that I screwed up right? Well, thanks for your support. I feel much better after talking to you about my freaking screw ups.

Hmm, I barely update nowadays cause nobody reads it anymore. soo, it's like a dead blog. But I said its like, not entirely. Soo, I'm rekindling the life of this blog. HAhaah !!

Anyway, I think it soo tiring to update about my life and outings *blablabla* cause you have to post up pictures, write captions, tell the whole story etc. I'm way too lazy to do that anymore. So I guess, whenever I update, it'd be about some crap problem that I'm having in my teenage life. Hahaha!

And this is just a false alarm. I don't have a teenage problem now. I'm just updating for the crap of it. Muahah !!

Aight, bye (:

Hopefully you're reading this cause I don't know how to tell you this by myself.

Anyway, remember the last msg you sent to me? Well, I only got half of what you wanted to say. Bottom line is, the text didn't fully get through. It got cut half way so I only got to read the first part. And it didn't sound like a good way to end anything. Soo, I just really want to know what the content of the other half was.

And I'm sorry for everything I've done. Yess, its stupid of me for always apologizing without doing anything about it, but it's probably the only thing I'm capable of doing. I'm sorry.

`You're A Jerk :D

I was wrong about you.

Yupe, I actually thought I was guilty for making you suffer.
And I take back everything I've said to you.

But thanks for the lesson though.
I'd make sure not to trust anyone like your species again (:

Peace, Jerk :D