JanYi. & every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

2012-01-10T20:59:00.002+08:00

I came across this phrase; "Don't regret what you did. Regret what you didn't do."

What is going to be the thing I didn't do?

Fight for you. Or stick to my decision now?

Just. kill. me. now..

2012-01-10T20:34:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow never did come, and I never did tell you how much I love you.

Everything I did was a mistake.

You said you just needed a legit reason why I let you go. The reason is, I'm scared. Not because I wasn't ready to be committed. But because I wasn't ready to stand up to my parents. How was I suppose to be with you, and lie to my parents? I could never do that. We said we'd figure this out together when we got back together. But this is an impasse. There's no loophole for this. Letting you go is going to be the biggest regret I have in my life. How I wish I could just pick up the phone right now and scream out I love you. But I know that'll just recreate this problem again.

I'd rather let you continuing hating me. Making you think that I used you, played you, hurt you, dumped you. At least then you'd have no trouble moving on.

I really wish I was a cold heartless bitch now. Cause right now, I cant sleep, or eat, or laugh, smile, not even cry. I can't do anything. My biggest regret is letting you go. Your biggest regret is letting me in.

2012-01-10T13:12:00.002+08:00

Fear makes people do stupid things they'll regret one day. Fear, is a part of the human nature that we cant run away from. We fear choices and decisions, possibilities and consequences. We fear everything. Or at least I do.

I feared fighting for something I wasn't sure of, you. I always said I wanted to do the right thing. &I had two choices out of this. Either confess to my mom, or give up on you. But was I willing to fight for you? Were my feelings that strong? I didn't know..I was unsure.

One day, I just couldnt take it. All the secrecy and guilt that I was hiding from my parents. How can I just lie to their face, into their eyes, when all they've ever wanted was the best for me? I broke down, and confessed everything. I knew my mom wasn't happy about it. But what she said was right. Is this infatuation or love? A friend of mine once wrote, love should not be questioned. The only question about it is if its love or lust. Was this love, or lust?

I knew if I insisted to be with you, to deal with the consequences of having a boyfriend, my mom wouldnt be too happy about it. But you would be overwhelmed. So what should I do?

My whole life, I've always wanted to make others happy. I've always disregard my own thoughts and just follow follow follow. Was it because I hated confrontation? I'm not sure. All I knew was, I never stood up for my own thoughts. And all I wanted to do was please others, to not be hated. But I knew, I couldnt satisfy both parties in this situation. Someone is bound to get hurt. How I wish I could just disappear from this earth now. Because right now, I'm sure I've just became the worst bitch in the planet. Quote: "cold heartless bitch".

2011-12-27T22:15:00.002+08:00

The bible tells you about everything you've ever doubted about in life. But it tells you nothing about dating. It touches in marriage and adultery, but nothing about dating. It doesn't tell you how you'd know if he's the right guy, or if it's the right time. Does this mean God actually forgot this part of life? I dont think so. There must be a reason for that which I am yet to find out. I'll ask Him tonight :)

I heard this guy say, "good things don't end, until they end badly". You always heard ppl saying, "all good things must end", but they forgot to tell you that it will always end badly. I feel like that phrase is really affecting my life right now. I've always thought, if you were positive, then things will definitely turn out for the better. But it doesnt seem so true right now.

I hate this. I hated having to do this. I hate having to do the right thing. Doing the right thing always hurts the most. Sometimes it makes you wonder if that is even the right thing to do.

2011-10-21T20:52:00.002+08:00

Dear non-existing readers :)

Lemme tell you this funny thing that happened!

One day, after gym, I went for dinner, feeling all sticky and disgusting! And all i could think about was going back to my hostel to shower! Soo, after dinner, I went back and showered :)

I was so happy! Thinking about the warm water cleansing my body, and my amazing shampoo smell filling the air. And thus, I went into the shower room and on the tap. The water was slow, so I just assumed the pressure was low. I squeezed my amazing Shurei on my hair, and scrub scrub scrub. And just when I wanted to wash my shampoo off, THE WATER STOPPED FLOWING!

NO FREAKING WATER!

I was stranded. In the shower. With shampoo in my hair!

Thus, I went back to my room, wrapped in my towel, with shampoo in my hair.

And now I'm blogging.

Thats right! This is happening, right NOW.

2011-10-09T16:31:00.002+08:00

"Its awesome, but its like .... no feel."

I never thought you'd be the first one to say that. And I never thought that it'll break my heart so much. The stabbing just doesn't stop. Its all so dramatic, but it really hurts, still does and I think forever will.

JPA Interview

2011-04-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

This post is specially to those next year, who'll be going for the JPA scholarship interview :)

Soo, just last Thursday I had my JPA interview. Durrh, goosebumps all the way till that day came.

Here's a few pointers on how to prepare for the day,
1. If you're a debater then thumbs up for you (Y). If you're not, then start practicing. Strategize your points and make sure you speak facts!
2. Read the newspaper! Thats what everyone say. But if you're like me (hates the newspaper), then ask your dad to tell you whats going on in the society and economy.
3. Make sure you file is organized! What I did was, I had a title page for every section. Its way neater :)
4. Get your high school to certify every important document ie. IC, birthcert etc.

So, on that day itself. You'll have to arrive 30minutes earlier. Just be kiasu and go early! :)
Then you'll have to sign TWICE! First on a common board where they list your name and your interview room, which you'll see everyone gathering around. Next, you'll have to sign another time when you go to the waiting room.

Later, they'll take your clear folder with all your documents, and direct you to your interview room. Then, the interview starts.

Of course they'll first ask you to introduce yourself. They will ask you in BM, so its best if you prepare an introductory of yourself in BM. Then they'll probably ask you why you chose your course and the place of destination. Then they'll ask one open-ended question in BM, which you MUST answer in BM.

So, a few famous questions are:
1. Campaigns (why isn't it working?)
2. Health Centres (what do you think of it? is it good enough?)
3. Sports (what do you think about Malaysian sports? should we call for help from the overseas coach?)
4. Is the crime rate increasing or decreasing?
5. What can you bring back when you go overseas?
6. Reality tv. (are they bringing more good or bad to the society?)
7. *current issue. Japan earthquake (what can you learn from it?)

Do rmb, when they ask you in English, you may answer in English. But if they ask you in BM, do try your best to reply in BM.
Girls should wear Baju Kurung (preferably), and formal wear with tie for boys.

If they challenge you when you answer (like disagree with your point), then just stand firm and give logical reasons for your answers. They're not challenging you because you're wrong. There is no right or wrong answer. They just want to see how you handle situations like that, and to see if you can really think on the spot.

Also, always keep good eye contact. Firm but not aggressive.

All the best for your interview :)
Overall, its actually a very good experience. Just stay loose and it'll be fun :)

Prepare well guys!

2011-04-08T23:42:00.003+08:00

I dont know, but somehow, we ended up in one of my family dinner/occasions. So out of place, huh? It was weird, ~~almost~~, REALLY unbelievable. You were much excited compared to your usual self. After not seeing you in what felt like years, you seemed even more perfect than I remembered. Under the sunlight, you held my hands and the warmth of your palm filled mine instantly. I remember you telling me that if your palms are always red, it means your blood circulation is good. Everytime I take a glance at my palms, it'll remind me of your huge red palm, warm and secure. You smiled at me with so much enthusiasm, without a word. Words didn't need to be said or heard, cause I've always liked just looking at you smile. Somehow, we were walking down the street, just holding hands and strolling aimlessly. If I had a choice, I'd wish that this street didn't have to come to an end.

But it did. Ended, with me waking up to my alarm.

I've always enjoyed these little dreams about you, which may seem meaningless, but to me, its means almost everything. I guess its a way to remind myself how wonderful you made me feel :)

Saved messages means a lot to me. Its a way of saying that, you're being saved in my heart. Hahah. So, that day, I finally had the guts to delete your messages from my phone, meaning shedding my feelings for you, finally. But I realised, you can't just delete someone off your heart like a message in a phone. How can I when I've already memorised your messages? Heh :R

I also came to a conclusion, I don't want to delete you off my life. You mean to much for me to just forget about you. How can one do that?

Now I truly understand, you don't need to see someone, or hold them, even talk to them to like them. If you have them in your heart, you wont need PDA (public display of affection).

"Getting someone is not liking them. Getting some is just an infatuation."
ORIGINAL QUOTE by yours truly :)

2011-04-03T20:52:00.004+08:00

Barb's been qued! Hahahah I meant barbeque :)

Had a night out with the flower, dragon and dinasour gang! :D Except Daey and Jon were missing :(

But it was a fun night :)

Zhan's house was amazing! Yes yess, rich kid ==

&Mag's cooking was 'yat lao'. Hahahah Gotta express myself in cantonese cause english words can't describe how amazing a chef she is!

Because of that, she deserves a SOLO picture!

Well, as usual, the boys were sitting most of the time! But they did cook, a lil'. :P

Whats a poolside barbeque party if you don't jump into the pool after that?! :D

Heh So we splash splash splash in ze pool, and the guys won't want me telling you this, but I made them do synchronise swimming in the pool! Hahahah It was hilarious! Obviously Zhan and Xing has no coordination whatsoever :P

&we had a train ride in the waters. Hahahah It was uber cool. Conclusion: We gotta do this more often! :D

After that, we head down to Mcd for some extra food :P

Don't ever let Zhan drive when CK is driving too. They'll start beating each other like some Daytona game ==

Hmm, what else can we do in Mcd since we're not allowed in the playground section?

CAMWHORE! ;)

Nway, I'm out of words! Pictures speak a thousand words right? Soo, there's my thousand words!

200th :)

2011-04-01T23:54:00.003+08:00

This post deserves a title, since its the 200th post :)

I'm proud of my bloggie, which I will name, bloggie from now :D

Its been through ups and downs with me. If you actually read through all my old posts (I doubt anyone would, such a bore), you'll see how I actually evolve from a girl to a lady !

Chehwa, so pro :P

Nway, reading my past posts, I realised, I've been through alot with people whom I really treasure. Lately I've been having ... flashbacks, just reminiscing about the past :)

No doubt, if I were to go through it all again, I wouldn't change a thing. Whether I was upset, or drowned in drama, I would do it all again. Thinking about it, I really miss those times. &I really miss you peeps too :)

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" (Dolly Parton). :)

This rainbow in my life, is spectacular. More colourful than any one that I've seen ;)

Every colour represents each special "someone" who has really made an impact in my life.

Last time, I used to look at the bottle as half empty. But now, I always see it as half full. You've really made an impact my life, and I would never forget you since you're already in my memory box! (like literally, I have a box filled with memories aka letters. Hahah)

I really feel like making a tribute to these people. Like through a song or smtg :)

Fun fact: Every person who has made an impact in my life has their own song. Everytime I hear that 'special' song, I would automatically think about that person! So I really feel like expressing myself through those songs! Buuut you see, I'm not exactly musically talented. LOL Soo, we'll see :)

2011-03-29T18:56:00.004+08:00

Good evening!

Its a lovely day, isn't it?

NOT! Its too hot for my bangs to handle.

Yes, you heard me right, I bang my hair - as Mag puts it :P

Why would I do that? Well, people say when you cut your hair, you're cutting away your past, all the sorrow, and just starting a new life.

I say ... thats a drama show.

Hahahahah I'm trying not to be dramatic this year :)

Soo, reason for my bangs? A new look! :)

Actually, I've been wanting bangs for long, so I finally got it! Hopefully the zits dont pay a visit :P

Here's a look at the bangs!

So, how does it look?

Btw, I CUT MY OWN BANGS! Heheheeh Cool ;)

ooh, I love my YouCam and that explains the numerous poses! Got carried away :O

Thats it for now. Girls gotta study! Ciao :)

~~ piu piu

2011-03-25T17:34:00.005+08:00

P.A.S.A.R. M.A.L.A.M. (Y)

I'm not exaggerating but its been at least 2 years since I've been to one :(
&I finally got to go to one ytd :)

Ytd, I went to the pasar malam with me friends, and gosh it was millions of funs! (grammatically WRONG!)
But yeah, I've definitely gotta be socialble again :)

Before pasar malam, I was in Phun's house, on Skype with Xing and Swen. Hahaha &so here's a treat for y'all, a really retarded picture of Xing :P

HAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAH :P :P :P

We told him to try touching his nose with his tongue, doing lala 1-10. & then we took millions of snapshots of him ;)

After laughing at Xing ..... we finally went to the pasar malam. No kidding, but I was starving!!
Soooo, we had asam laksa, chra koay teow, and har mee ;) Maan was it delicious yo!

I kinda forgot how a pasar malam works. LOL Walking around aimlessly and buying this buying that. Hahahah Actually, just buying all food :P

I GOT MY WHEEL-O!! Guessing whats that??

Its the only thing I ALWAYS buy from the pasar malam! :D

After that, we had the most thrilling ride back home. Gosh, Xing .. I know you're a good driver .. but pls ahh, control sikit ==

I swear you almost banged into a car, TWICE!

Hahaah And the highlight of our adventure? Making your 20 point turn :P
We drove into this really tight alley, thinking that we'd make it out the other end, manatau it was blocked ==
So we had to go back. &Xing had to do a 20-point-turn (actually its a 3-point-turn), while Manda and I became point-turn police (traffic police). Hahahahh!

&Not to mention, the alley was dark .. deserted ... and cold ~~~~

The holidays are finally starting to feel like a holiday :D But its ending :(

I love .. friends, outings, adventure and stars! Hmm .. random :P

Ookay, gotta be socialble! Skype shall be my new best friend! Hahaahah

2011-03-24T00:07:00.002+08:00

A glimpse of the past :)

Xing : I want the legs.
Des : Give me the legs!
Xing : Let's split the legs.
Des : Eh Xing, I can't lah.
Xing : Hold one leg open!
Mag : Aiyo, why you guys complain so much! I give you my body lah!

*burst out in laughter*

Hahaha Keep in mind, we were talking about the crab's leg and body during Manda's steamboat :P

Today ....

Jia : Where's the hair?
Xing : In your ears! Just use your fingers.
Phun : Yaa, finger your ears lah.

Laugh out LOUD !!

Hahaahh Again, keep in mind, we were talking about how alot of hair is in Jia's ears after he had his haircut and we asked him to use his fingers to take it out.

Good times ;)

Ooh, correction ... still a good time :)

Heh, had such a fun time today! Forgot what it was like to have a social life outside school :P

Btw! By the grace of God, I got my results today, and it was (Y) :D:D:D
Heh, ytd, I told God, whatever results that is given to me tmr, please let my family and I wholeheartedly accept it. God really has his ways with life :) :)

But then, there are those whom God has other plans for. I'm not always good at consolling people, but I really wanna try ... to be there for you, when others are caught up with other things. So, pick up your phone!

Nway, congrats to everyone who did so amazingly well :)
Especially me buddy, Xing! Aaah, I feel so happy for you! Like truly. Usually I'll get jealous and be like, WHY ISN'T THAT ME?? But this time, I really know how it feels to be sincerely happy for a friend! You definitely deserved it :) :)
LIVE THE MOMENT!! :D

Right .. I'm out, loves :)

2011-03-21T00:02:00.005+08:00

Its been long since I updated right? People may think that I'm still in a state of depression if I don't. So here it is :)

Hmm, I tend to blog only when I'm in a terrible state of misery. Hahah Thats when I don't have to think before I type, cause emotions take control of the keyboard :)

Soooo now, I'm thinking, and thus, lets put on our thinking caps!

Heh :P

Just 2 days ago, I was reading Xing's blog (which was updated 93847years ago), and it brought back so many memories :)

So I was just thinking, would I want to look back at my blog, and see the sad side of my memories with a few of the most wonderful people I've ever encountered, or start blogging about happier things regarding them?

Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy ??

Hahahah. Need I choose? :)

But then again, easier said than done! This blog is like my best friend who listens to all my problems when other people won't. Sooo, I'm just saying, I'll start telling you happier stuffs too. Okie bloggy? :)

Why don't we end with a joke?

Hehehe I have a special ringtone for my mom too :P
It goes like "Your mamas calling. For no good reason but just to chat. She'll wastes your minute talking bout the cat. And how daddy has gotten fat. Don't pick up the phone, go mama go." With the Sexy Back tune :P

Hahahhaa. I loove Zits :)
Love it so much that its starting to camp on my face ==

Heh. Nights :]

2011-03-05T21:47:00.003+08:00

I had a look at my diary just now, after many days of not doing so, and now I regret it.

I read my new year's diary entry and its said;

New year resolution :
1. Love my family
2. Love my high school friends
3. Make new memorable times with new college friends
4. Score with flying colours for SAM
5. Don't get into trouble :P

It seems like New Year Resolutions don't always work out.

I read my old entries too.
Gosh, I used to be so jubilant. Just talking about school, friends, people.
There was so much memories.. Every little detail that made me smile, I would have jotted it down. I didn't wanna miss a single moment of happiness with my friends and family.

But now, I ask myself; what am I doing?

I'm pilling myself with college work just so I don't have to think about everything that I've lost. I didn't wanna stop being busy because I knew if I did, I'll start thinking about foolish things again. But just for that moment of weakness, when I read my diary, I reminded myself of all the reasons I'm feeling sad.

My mind says stop running away, but my feet just won't listen.

2011-03-04T23:47:00.002+08:00

Neglected.
Don't we all feel that at some point of time in our life.

I promised myself I wouldn't distant after high school. Why does it seem like I'm the first one doing just that?

I always believed that if you don't talk about it, we can still believe that it did not happen. But how come its different this time around? Neglecting the problem is slowly but surely making me feel neglected.

The connection I once had with the people around me, is now slowly fading away. That comfort I used to feel around my friends feels strange to me now. I feel this sense of awkwardness, around them - those whom I used to treat just like family. Like I'm now a stranger.

Loosing them feels like loosing a part of me. I tried to hold on so strongly to this side of me; friends. But I guess holding on too tightly to something will only make it go away faster.

I hate this feeling.

I hate trying to convince myself into thinking that things will be alright, when they never will be. All my life I've been running from problems. Everytime one is thrown at me, I'll just hide it in my closet and wait for it to just go away. Why wouldn't this one go away? Why do I feel like people are still judging me? Why do I feel like YOU ALL, are still judging me?

No one asked me about my side of the story. It was all just assumed that it was my fault. I know I've been bad, but that doesn't mean its always my blame to take. No one decided to stop all the judgemental tone and just ask me, as a concern friend, what happened.

Everytime that question popped up, it always sounds like a "what did you do this time?".
I did not choose for this to happen. I did not suddenly say; hey, you know what, I feel like ruining something good. So here it is, SHIT."
You think I didn't get it bad? Almost every morning, I wake up, asking myself, "why did this happen?". I can't help but remind myself that things are ruined. I keep trying to put that thought aside, but seriously easier said than done. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I'm not having a hard time. Just because I don't dwell about it doesn't mean my mind ain't right because of it. Seriously, whats the point of talking about it? Won't you all just judge me like you did before? Won't you all just takes sides? Why are there sides?!

I really hate it. Last time, whenever I'm faced with a problem, I'll just spill it out to any of my friends. No barrier or awkwardness. But now, who are my friends?

I'm out of place. I'm loosing this very important part of me, and it makes me feel like I'm loosing myself. I have no idea where I belong anymore.
All I do now is, college work. There's nothing that I look forward to now. Last time, I used to look forward to going online or just texting some friends. Now, .....

It sucks. It sucks so badly, and even more cause I can't even talk about it. It sucks so badly that I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Hate? Anger? Depression? It all feels the same.

When will things get better?

2011-02-25T16:59:00.002+08:00

We often forget how much of an impact we can be to someone.

I used to spend all my time after school thinking about what my friends or classmates thought about me. Whether I made a fool of myself during lunch, or offended someone while cracking up a joke. If someone were to told me I did something wrong to someone, it'll bug me the whole day. Making me think about what I can do to make things better.

I hate that feeling. The feeling of living your life, thinking about why other people aren't satisfied with you.
Which was why, if you had noticed, I closed my blog.

I closed my blog, deactivated Facebook, stoppped texting, stopped onlining.

Just trying to run away. I was so tired. So tired of responding to judgemental questions. So tired of pretending. So tired of people.
I had some time to myself. Just living life, for myself. It was like breathing new air.

But I realised, spending my days just for myself isn't worth it. God gave me life, so that I can give life to someone else. If I could make a difference to someone, wouldn't that be amazing? That'll be a dream.

But you know what, you can judge me all you want, you can gossip about me (because I may be doing the same. Heheh). No matter what you say, I'll still be here. But not for you, for those who'll actually appreciate my presence.

2011-02-14T23:47:00.004+08:00

Helloo, dear faithful followers :) [mostly just the two indians whom I sayang banyak. hehehe]

Sorry! For being sooo the very sad lately. Hahahah!

Its just that, this blog is meant for me to blab out everything when I'm sad or angry!

So, too bad :P

But just to show you I have a less emotional side, imma post bout smtg else today :)

Hey, its the most ROMANTIC day of the year ....

sooooo, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !
it took soo looong for me to do that ==

How did you spend your day? :)

Well, I spent it ... single, again. It doesn't seem all that bad. The highlight of today was Snowflakes with Xing & Jia. Aww, couldn't get any better than that, actually :)

Yo, speaking of being romantic, tonight was kinda romantic. I had Thai food for dinner! Gosh, SUPER spicy! Well, it ignited my lips for the night. HAHAH x)

Ooh, I looked up at the sky, and the moon was shining so brightly! The stars were glimmering ever so shyly and the clouds were swaying slowly wherever the wind took them. Aah, love doing that each night :) & I did all that with my parents! Love you, daddy mommy x)

Who says you can only enjoy Valentine's Day if you have a lover? I enjoyed my night, just staring at the wonders of God's work. How the "moonlight bathes the contours of your face" - Don Mclean - Hahahaha!

So, enjoy the rest of the day guys. &even if the world won't wanna share Vday with you, I'm always just a text away :) unless if I ran out of credit :P

Btw, if you're wondering who's the cute bear, he's BUDSTER! :)
My one and only Valentine's gift from last year. And no, he's not from my non-excistence boyfriend, it was given to me by 3 of the funniest, lamest, strangest yet my most treasured buddies, Shamand Syahir Vino :) :)

Peace!

2011-02-09T17:40:00.002+08:00

I don't care if strangers judge me.
I don't like it when friends judge me.
I hate it when family judge me.

I'm not perfect. I know that. You aren't either.

Who am I to say, 'stop judging people' when I too commit that sin. I'm only human. Lured to sin by temptation. But I do try. I try to be nicer, I try to do better. But you never seem to understand that. 'Don't judge people' - however imperfect you can be, doesn't that at least apply to your family members?

I'm not some picture that you painted. You can't just change me however you want. I am who I am, when will you learn to understand that? And don't act like you know me so well. How can you know me better than myself? Don't judge me based on what I appear to be. I may be smiling, but I'm breaking inside. I may be jumping, but I'm falling inside. Don't look at me, and make judgements just because you think you know me well. If you really did know me that well, we wouldn't be at an impasse now.

I'm just sick of people making judgement about me.
Wrong judgements.

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.

2011-02-03T17:12:00.002+08:00

Almond shaped eyes with what seems like almost the perfect set of double eye-lids ( which I envy oh-so-MUCH! ). Rosy cheeks which adds so much colour to your already brightened face. Aah, I'm speaking like a lesbian, but if I were to turn lesbian, it's probably because of you. Not because you're beautiful, but because that heart of yours shines so much brighter than mine :)

I can truly say, you are my Destinee ! Hahahah Don't you just love how your name compliments every sentence people make? ( Oh, if you listen to Phil Collin's You'll Be In My Heart, there's one line where he says; When destiny calls you, you must be strong. HAHAH! So true. When Destinee calls me, I must be strong :P Btw, you've still not called me == )

How long has it been since we blogged about people for their birthdays? Hahaha. I don't usually do this, but you are the only exception ;)

How cliche can I go with you? "Through ups and downs you've always been with me"? Okay, must I really state the obvious. Hahah
If anyone were to ask me why you're one of my besties in the whole wide world, I'll just answer, because you're you :) No lies, not even a tinge of sarcasm. You're truly amazing just the way you are.

Let me bring us back to when we started. YOU BETTER CONTINUE READING! x)
We weren't really close in Form 1 or 2. It was only in Form 3, when we were in the same class, that we really connected and somehow ended up spending every living school moment together. Hahahah No complains here. Except that I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE! LOL
Rmb how you'll always say "we're stuck together". We really are :)

I guess it really was fate that brought us together, bestie. Even when we were in Leo, I never really thought of you as President nor I of Vice. I'm not being rude :P But, I've always seen it as us, together, running a family. Hahah "Ketua Rumah" x) If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't have picked anyone else in the world besides you. Cross my heart, that is the truth :)

Being best friends with someone doesn't just mean telling that person your secret or spending every living moment together. It actually means understanding each other and just being yourself around them, whether you're feeling good or bad. And you are one of the people I can feel like that with. Around you, there's no deception, or masks, or whatever. I'm just .. ME.

Distance will not draw us apart, I assure you that. True friendship aren't bound by time nor distance. We're besties. Like you said, we're stuck together :)

Ooops, this really sounds like a love letter :P
Des, it just goes without saying that I'm always always here. Whether we're in different colleges, or that we live years apart, or that I sometimes don't reply you, I'm still just a phone call away (YOU BETTER CALL ME THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY SO!)

Even if the whole world won't believe you, I would.
Even if the whole world says your hair looks weird, I'll tell you the truth. ( hey, if it IS weird, I gotta say smtg right? :P )

How else should I end this if its not with a MERRY HAPPY JOLLY BIRTHDAY!
One year older makes no difference to thy ageless beauty.
Hahhahah! I'm a poet :)

YO WOMAN. THIS BETTER NOT BE THE ONLY LINE YOU'RE READING! I TRUST THAT YOU READ MY HEARTFELT POST OKAY! ITS NOT EVERYDAY THAT PPL GET A SPECIAL POST FROM ME! PEACE :)

2011-02-02T01:35:00.003+08:00

In times of doubt, I bow my head, ask for Your forgiveness and turn to You in prayer.

I've never stopped asking. Maybe because that's all I've ever known how to do. What I mean to say is, why do we ask, but never give?

We always expect things to be easy. We expect to receive whatever we ask for, to gain whatever we worked for. Things aren't always so simple, if it was, we wouldn't be living.
Life is bigger than just you and me. The world is like the beach, and we're just that one grain of sand. How small, how tiny, but when added to all the other grains, we form the beach. Does my metaphor make any sense? :)

In life, we tend to search endlessly for things which empower us. Materialistic things which show our wealthiness, our power. Having more does not stop us from wanting more. Do we not realise that these things will just be left behind after we're dead?

We always ask for things that'll feed our unending lust for material things, but we never ask for things that'll feed our spirit, that'll feed our soul. Why are we so ignorant? This blindness has been leading on for too long. So much so that we start believing that there is nothing hardwork can not gain. I'm not saying that's wrong.. but because of that mindset, we make ourself believe that mankind is power. That mankind can do everything. The truth is, we can't. We can part the sea, we can't walk on water or awaken the dead. Men are imperfect, and we fail to remind ourselves of that.

Humility. Do we not understand that word any longer? Look up, be awaken. We have to admit that we are incomplete, as imperfect as we are. We have to once again find our reason to live. Don't waste your life, but live your life for a purpose that is bigger than yourself.

I guess my point is, we shouldn't ask for things like, an iPhone even though we have a Sony phone. ( thats me :P )
Need versus want. We need food, we want a chocolate sundae. Big different!

For a change, look around, be grateful. Don't ask for things to feed your ego. Instead, search for things to feed your heart. Hope, faith, love :)

2011-01-21T16:13:00.002+08:00

For weeks and weeks I've been dreading for this. College day.

Sometimes when you expect alot out of something, you usually get really hit by reality and tumble back, hitting hard on the ground.
I don't know why am I feeling this way. Its like, when I'm in college, everything seems fine. Just making new friends, talking about common interests, and hanging out for lunch. But once I reach home, I just suddenly get this stupid depression shit that makes me so upset and so literally lifeless. Its like, all I can think about is "what if i'll have to spend tmr's break alone?" "what if i gotta roam the college alone?" "what if i'm the dumbest in the class and no one likes me?". Stupid complicated mind.

I know i shouldn't be complaining about my life, since its already good enough that i have my friends with me. I'm not complaining, I'm just trying to figure out why I'm always so upset when I get home. JAN, geez, stop being such a loser ==

Maan, thinking about the work thats gonna be pilled up just adds to my depression state. In a way, I guess it'll take my mind off things? But it still sucks :( I think, and this time, I'm pretty sure, that my class is filled with really smart ppl! Like, I'm gonna be bottom rock :( D.I.E.

I missssss you!!

2011-01-15T23:09:00.001+08:00

What does the future hold for me? What is my purpose in life? More specifically, what do I want to pursue in my career life? These are the questions that keep lingering in my mind, leaving me anxious with every decision that I make now. Is my future really laid out for me already? Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about pursuing a career in actuarial studies. But is that really my calling? Or is it just other people’s desire that has been infiltrated in my mind due time? I’ve been writing essays for scholarships, and each one requires me to describe my passion that’s driven me to my career choice. The question is, what is my career choice? Since I have none, I just wrote every essay talking about how I aspire to be an actuarist. After writing so many essays and constantly hearing people’s comments like “You should be an actuarist. Your maths is amazing.” I start subconsciously telling myself that I want to be an actuarist too. Do I really? People say I should pursue actuarial studies because I’m good in add mathematics. Am I really? Truth is, I never thought I was really as good as what I appear to be. And add mathematics is just a very small part of mathematics as a whole. It can really be compared to just another cell in our body! So, what makes me think that I will succeed as an actuarist, or even graduate as one, just because I’m good in add maths?

Confucius once said, “If you do what you like for a living, you’ll never work a day in your life”. When I read that quote, I said to myself “Wow, I want to feel like that one day”. If so, why am I flooded in a pool or confusion now? I just don’t want to make the wrong decision this time. This is probably the most important decision in my life! Right after choosing the right guy to marry.
I wanna do this right. I wanna know for sure, what I wanna pursue and not just let other people talk me into it.

Make. A. Choice!

2011-01-12T17:56:00.002+08:00

He is so my inspiration :D HAHAAH

Dang right girl, who needs a boyfriend to feel good? :)

2011-01-12T11:54:00.002+08:00

Who put the cookie in the cookie jar?
Hahaah Random :)

Wow, everyone is using tumblr. Why why? Don't they have enough bottles? Gettit? Tumblr = tumbler = bottle? :P
But I shall be loyal to Blogger :) Since this is just like a cyber diary, where you guys can read bout my stuff and maybe relate to my teenage life? Hahaha
That, and also, I have no idea how to work Tumblr. Heheh

Rigght, so yesterday, I had a slight moment of breakdown. Reminiscing about school. It all started 'cause my dear buddy Shamand msged me. Aaaah, yess, I'm blaming it on you.

"Jan, you've been an amazing friend to me and I hope we stay friends forever! Make sure to keep in touch!"

Those were the common phrases that everyone from my primary school wrote in my biodata book. But look who I'm actually keeping in contact with? None of 'em. Thats what truth is. We say one, we mean another.
So now I'm wondering, will it be the same with my high school friends? I already feel like I'm losing out. I miss everything. Like the times we used to walk wherever, talk whenever, sleep however. I feel like I don't know what my journey is anymore now that I've lost passion in everything I do. I just hate this feeling :(

This is all because of work! (& Shamand :P)
It forced me to face the fact that, sooner or later, we'll all have to grow up.
I don't mind growing old, I just . dont . want . to . GROW . UP.

2011-01-11T18:14:00.002+08:00

Hey soul sisters :D
Or brothers ;)

Guess who's working? Hahaha None other than ... yours truly :)
Yess, you heard right. I'm actually working! LOL
No interviews, no cv or resume. Just plain sexiness.
HAHA I made that up :P

I'm just helping out with some data entry thing, like a one-day job!
Hey, Rm60 per day. Good money man ;)
But but, since I'm just awesome, they asked me to come back again!
Sooo, like a say, good money :)

But maan, its really tiring to work -.-
Daddy, I love you so much for bringing the bacon home. Hahaha

P/S: I'm actually blogging from work! :P

2011-01-06T23:31:00.002+08:00

Time is passing by. Day by day, night by night. Rain or shine, my day still stays. Its like I'm waiting for something to happen. Waiting for a sign, maybe? Waiting for and end, maybe? There seems to be nothing to look forward to nowadays. Gaah, just, gimme something! Happy or sad, at least let me feel something!

2011-01-03T00:23:00.002+08:00

To hold on, or to let go?
Its only two days into the new year and I feel like 2010 is slipping away faster than leaking water in a bucket with holes.

Dreams don't always come true. Neither do promises. But I was hoping this one would.

We made a promise, that we will try. That I didn't have to worry each and every day. We made, a promise. But surely, none of us kept to it. I tried. I really did. Every chance I had, I tried to rekindle something. But somehow, I feel you slipping away. The memories of us are faint, fading slowly. The days we spend together were limited, but I still felt you, close enough. It has been a long time since I felt that way. I want to believe that you're still there. I want to believe that you still feel the way you did. But all hope seem to draw me to despair. We knew we'd end up this way, which is why we stood static. I guess we made the right choice.

At least I know what you decided on. So the question is, what am I deciding on. A new year, a new resolution, to forget you? Easier said than done. How does one do that when everything one does reminds one of you? Should I say that you were a curse upon me, or a blessing in diguise? Either way, you're taking up too much of my memory. Ppl say, you need to know when is the right time to let go. I'm not sure if its now, for I'm still waiting for something to happen. But only time will tell, no?

Truth is, I still miss you every single day.

2010-12-13T21:54:00.002+08:00

Hey y'all (;

Exams are finally over and I can officially declare that I'm a free soul now! *thumbs up
Well, I gotta admit that rebelling is much more fun when you're actually rebelling.
Like now, I can go online anytime, sleep anytime, and do whatever anytime.
Where's the fun in breaking the rules then?
Ohwells, I only have another month before college starts. So make the best out of it right? ;)

Just a lil' something I was doing, DURING exams. Hahahah! See, rebelling IS fun x)

2010-12-06T20:55:00.002+08:00

Take a step back from your life, and stop to view others. You'll see, you're not the only one that feels.

Sometimes, things really aren't as they seem. People too, aren't always what the appear to be. Most of us put on a mask without even knowing it. If you don't hear it, doesn't mean they never told you. If you don't see it, doesn't mean they never showed you. If you don't know it, doesn't mean it never existed. If you take the initiative to ask, you will know. If you don't, you'll always live with the wrong idea. & I've been living with the wrong idea for too long.

Point is.. Stop, reverse and hand out a simple "Are you okay?". It'll save a day.

2010-11-25T14:55:00.003+08:00

Yess! Drastic change to my blog, no more emotional dreadful posts. We're being optimistic today :)) And hopefully every other day too!
Hmm, I'm quite aware that nobody reads this at all. But then again, I'm quite used to talking to the wall, or the computer or the air x)

So, history is finally HISTORY! *thumbs up for that. thank you very much :)
And I'm finally having a break. At least like a 3days break before the war starts again.
Oh, Shiva says; The game isn't over until the final whistle, the match isn't over until the final point.
So the point is...the battle is so not over yet :(( *a moment of silence to truly feel the sorrow of the situation please.

OVER!

Hmm, I have no idea what I'm doing online when everyone else is OUT! Yes, repeat, they are OUT! Maan, I should have gone out too, but knowing me, walking under the blazing sun would've been agonizing! I suppose I should just get off now and go to bed :) Since the bed is where we find the pleasure within. Hahaha Wipe those wiggly eyebrows off, I meant to say some decent sleep :D

After a good siesta, its off to calculations :) Heey, no complains this week x)
Tataa C:

2010-11-05T23:39:00.004+08:00

Why do we choose to feel sadness? Out of all the emotions in this world, why sadness? Some can shut it out whenever they want to, but some let the emotion take control of us and feed its need instead of our own. Some, like myself, fall to our knees upon sadness. When we're showered with sadness, we don't run along to shelter, instead we stand under the rain, just letting the sadness consume us, leaving us drenched with depression. Why do we do that? Why do we keep reminding ourselves of the sad parts of the day instead of looking for light in the darkness? Because we are insecure. We're unsure of the future, and we're unsure of our commitment to the present.

I feel like I'm loosing grip of what I have. I know schools about to end. So what? School will end. And we will go to college. There's nothing anyone can do about that. But why am I fussing over it? Why am I so upset when everyone seem to have accepted that fact? Why is it that I keep pondering about the problem which is an impasse? We all know life is but a journey. You cant travel the same road twice, but you can journey on to a new road, new experience, new people. I know what I need to do. But whether I can do it or not, is just another question. Jan, just wake up. Smell the air, the truth. Stop living in your dream. We're leaving high school. We're leaving each other. Full stop.

People say, an end to high school doesn't mean an end to friendship. But why do I feel like I'm already beginning to lose touch of people I love? Its like, I'm not in the girls gang anymore. Heh Why is that even a surprise? I doubt I was ever really in it. Since primary school, I was never really in the girls gang. I used to choose 'ice and fire' over gossip periods. And also punk rock boy bands over girl groups. Girls never chose me from the bunch, because I never stood out. Its just lately that they have been doing things without me. Is it my stupid emotional state thats giving off terrible vibe that keeps them away? Or are they just not so into making friends with me anymore? Whatever it is, I'm loosing touch. And school hasn't even end yet. Its all pretty clear that I'm just feeling pathetic about my life. Who wants to make friends with a sadist?

And then there's you. My friend. You weren't just any friend, I trusted you very much. You were like that little joy to my day's end. Someone who I thought was close to my other half. But then again, my judgement towards people were usually wrong. I always thought you were too good to be true. The words you said, the promises you made. I always knew you weren't the person I imagined you to be. But its just that sometimes you manage to live up to my expectations, and beyond that too. And those small moments keep me lingering on to you for much longer than I was suppose to. I always tell myself, "Maybe you'll surprise me. Maybe it's different this time." But it never was. I don't want to pretend anymore. I can't be like you. Not even half like you. I'm just not carefree. Nor do I mean it when I say, "I'm okay" because most of the time I'm not. But what difference does it make, voicing it out. Maybe there is this part of you that really cares for me. Maybe there isn't. But its just so tiring to linger around and wait for you to show that side of you which may or may not exists. So, I guess its better this way. We're slowly letting go, like its better left untold.

Jan, if there's one thing you need to tell yourself is that, life is a grey area. There's no right or wrong. There's no yes or no. There's no do or don't. Life is what you make of it. Live it to the fullest and you'll learn to live with the consequences of your mistakes. Live it with doubts and you'll forever drown in regrets. Why do you want to leave school remembering the last few days as a solemn piece of memory. Choose to remember something you love as ... well, something you love. Make the right choice now, make the difference!

WAKE UP! Slap me please :(

2010-10-25T12:18:00.002+08:00

This post goes out to my friend, with multiple amounts of personalities :)

First, he's the gangster. But as time past, and bonds start to form, he's the friend. And if you're so lucky to break pass his shield, he's the best friend :) So which category am I in? Hahah

You see, life is like a journey, and it makes so much sense when you think about it with a deeper thought. You explore new places, choose where you want to go, and which road you'll want to take. There's too many places in this world, whether they are different countries, states, cities or even mere street roads. We can never manage to travel every single road in this world. Same goes to life. There's many choices that we'll have to make, and like the poem, 'The Road Not Taken', we find that we won't be able to experience every opportunity life offers us. There comes a time where you're tied between decisions which may lead to an impasse. You cross your fingers, pray in your heart and walk down your chosen road, hoping for the best. And if you're lucky, you'll be strolling with a smile on your face :)

As I look back now, I know that the road I chose, though sometimes shaky and cold, but the view was spectacular :) Hey, what's life without some bumps? Hahaha. So now, we look back with gratefulness, and face front with courage. Choose a new road, make a few wrong turns and laugh at it later :D

2010-09-18T00:59:00.002+08:00

It was a rainy morning. But Kayla wasn't complaining. The breeze was cool, brushing against her cheeks, sending jitters down her spine. This was the best weather to start a new day, she thought. Today's routine was different. No books, no friends, no technology. Just a visit back to the old house. This visit was important, she knew, but she couldn't care less. Her goal was to go there, smile a little, and leave as soon as possible. It all seem irrelevant to her. But when she stepped out of the car and into the house, the flashback starts filling her mind. The house still had that familiar scent - old, husky yet somehow comforting. She stood there behind the gates, dumbfounded before she was greeted with a warm welcome of a dog's bark, Bambi. It seemed much smaller beside her all grown up body. The turtle was still there too, in the same pail, right outside the front door. It was bigger now, than it used to be ten years ago. She remembered vividly the placing of each and every thing outside and inside that house. Nothings changed since she left.

It was not before Kayla entered the house that she felt remorse filling her guts. Why didn't I spend more time in here, she thought. She walked to the back of the house, and there she saw her, standing in the kitchen, Grandma. Grandma seemed much smaller than Kayla remembered. Her hair was as white as snow, her wrinkles visible behind those thick lens glasses and she barely reached Kayla's ears even when she stood up tall. Though she looked weak and vulnerable, but her eyes glimmered with hope when she caught sight of Kayla. Kayla felt the tears stinging her eyes, but she fought it back because the old lady was grinning with happiness and Kayla didn't want to ruin the moment with depression. Without thinking twice, Kayla ran up to Grandma and gave her a big hug. She knew that she didn't have to say anything. Words will not explain half the emotions shown by her through that hug. Grandma knew how Kayla felt, but she did not say anything, because she knew, all they need was that moment of silence, to truly appreciate each other again.

It goes to say, we never know when we're about to lose something, or someone, for that matters. Every second of our life counts and it doesn't count for ourselves only, but it counts for others too. Why don't people appreciate the small acts of others anymore? One simple act, like a hug, can bring back so much memories, memories which have been buried long time ago. Sometimes its not the dollar sign on a present that counts, its the thought behind it that truly moves a person. Its not everyday that you will get to share a moment with the ones you love. So appreciate each moment, build the memories, and never forget those who love you :)

2010-09-04T22:27:00.001+08:00

If its yours, there's no need holding on to it. Because even if it goes away, it'll eventually come back.

For now, just let the chips fall where they may.

2010-08-27T23:56:00.003+08:00

Expectations.

Why do people expect things? To expect is to feel. You expect because you feel like something might happen. And we all know what happens when you feel things. You break down.
So why do people still expect? I expected alot from you. And unsurprisingly, you're showing me all the opposite of what I expect of you. Which is why, I stopped expecting. I stopped wondering. I stopped feeling. That somehow comes across as being cold, heartless. But how do you expect me to feel something when I know that there's so much in line if things go wrong? Before this, I expected the same things you expect from me. Just to be treated a little bit nicer. But then it all changed when I figured out things weren't as easy as abc.
My mind is scattered now. I just wish I knew what you're really thinking about.

2010-08-14T20:52:00.003+08:00

It was sunset. The last rays of the evening sun coloured the sky yellow, and the clouds blush a shy shade of pink. The sand was soft beneath our toes as we created tracks while walking down the beach. Your hands felt warm in mine and your fingers were sheepishly playing with mine. We strolled down the beach with no words but just a silent smile on our faces which told our story vividly. I could feel the breeze brushing agaisnt my cheeks when you reached out your hands and gently pushed a log of my hair off my cheeks. Your fingers felt cold againts my face, sending chills down my spine. The ocean water splashed our feet, sending us a tingly feeling as it retreated back to its ocean. This was the moment :)

The sun was out of sight, when the moon rose up and took its place in the sky. Tonight, the moon wasn't alone. The stars twinkled beside the moon, as if they were playing a familiar game. We laid down on the sand, staring into the sky, inhaling the sweet scent of the ocean. Listening to the waves of the sea splash at the sea was calming, but listening to your familiar velvet voice in my ears were much more charming. The environment was extremely serene that night. I can't decide if it was the cool night, or just the company. The night was easy, as we talked like we've known each other since pre-school. Simplicity was my thing. I can't decide if it was the beautiful moon and shining stars that made my dream a memorable one. Or you, my faceless boyfriend :) Hahaa

2010-08-08T18:52:00.004+08:00

There are so many rivalry out there. And it sucks to know that we turned out like this. Laughing with each other and joking around, but behind, they're just all lies. Those smiles, compliments, hugs...just lies. But isn't that what being human is about? Lying to save your ass? How come we don't love each other like we used to? How come we're judging every time we see each other but no one has the guts to voice anything out? If you asked me to choose, I never will can. So, when will anyone step up to stop this rivalry? This silent, hypocrisy? Should I stand up?

2010-08-08T18:52:00.001+08:00

"True friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway."

2010-08-08T18:49:00.002+08:00

Isn't it funny how two people can be so close to each other, but behind the scenes, they actually dislike each other so much? Yes, I know that feeling. Just that, I'm the judgemental one. Because of my judgemental self, I destroyed our friendship. Because of my insecurities, I blamed you for what happened. I know that now, and I'm sorry. I hope that you forgave me after I confessed to you because everything seems so easy now. I still love you :)

Day 6

2010-06-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

What more can I say when the day of truth is almost approaching? Is there a runaway route for me to take?

Day 5

2010-06-10T12:28:00.003+08:00

I want you to be my friend. I can't get used to any more than that. With you, when the words I Love You comes out of your mouth, it brings along coupling, girlfriend, wife, kids, forever ever after! You're sooo committed. So much so that it makes me afraid. And it makes it so much for fearful that I see her in you. This is all just so wrong. WRONG

Day 4

2010-06-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

" I'm sorry for making you feel like the third party. "

I was contemplating about how I should feel when I read that. Happy? Relieved? Confused? I guess its a little bit of each of the above. When I said we needed to talk, I typed it with a smile. Because I really want to tell you things. You've always said that I hide things from you, that I don't tell you enough. So, once and for all, I wanna tell you how I felt while you were gone. About everything I was thinking. But then fear stepped in when I started thinking about how you would react. I know you, you would'nt let it go even if you said you don't care. And you would face this with a frown, with sighs, with heartbreaks. I'm not letting go. I just want a fresh start. I think there have just been too many things that happened between us. All those tears, those disappointment, those betrayals. Its hard to move on having those things hanging on to me. I just want to know you again. To forget about the past, and make a new beginning. To start all over again, from the beginning, friends. Can we ever?

Day 3

2010-06-06T15:00:00.003+08:00

I think I'm suppose to be publishing posts about how much I miss you. Yeah, I do miss you. But I don't want to. Unlike you, I can't be ... committed. Does that make me a player? I'm not ready for it. I'm seventeen. I'm just not ready to be committed. I mean, I like you, yeah, I do. But I'm just not ready to be with you. I'm not ready to tell you things you tell me. I'm not ready to treat you differently from other guys, like specially. I'm not ready to be more than friends with you. I just can't repay you. I'm the one thats not good enough. Do you understand?

Commitment, thats a huge word. And its not in my dictionary just yet.

Day 2

2010-06-06T14:54:00.003+08:00

Do you know how bad this feels?

When people tell me that you should be with her and not me? When people say I'm in the way, the third party? When they always talk to me about you and her? When they tell me how you guys laugh together always? Sometimes when I'm talking with my friends, they'll say something about you, and she'll respond; " Yeah, I know. He was telling me about it. He feels....... ". And I'm there, dumbfounded, because I can't even say the same thing. Not knowing how you feel when she does, I just feel pathetic. Hahaha. Owh wells, then again, I'm probably the best friend and she the girlfriend right? Honestly, do you know what I think about when I look at you now? Unsurprisingly, her. And the same, I think about you when I look at her. I know I know, I should know that she's just your best friend. But knowing and feeling are two different things. You can choose to know, but you can't choose to feel.

Honestly, I'm not blaming you. I'm not blaming her either. I'm not blaming anyone :) But it just gets harder every day. To face you, or her.

Day 1

2010-06-06T14:37:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking.

Am I not always? Temperamental. Thinking. Wondering if..

Do you love me?
What am I asking. Of course the question is yes. But, here's the real question, do you know what's love? What is love? We watch tv, read books and get brain washed about what love is. Can love be explained in words? Can the feeling of being in love be represented by words? Isit that simple? I have no idea. But apparently, you do. So, what is love? Why isit that you always tell me you love me?
I'm just wondering.

2010-05-28T12:12:00.007+08:00

I know I'm never there for you. I know I can't treat you well. I can never put you as my main priority. I can never commit. But at least I know that. I've told you before, I'm just trouble. Whenever you need someone, I'm never there. And ironicaly she is. I don't mind and I'm not angry. Its just, she's there for you more than I am. She's the one for you. Not me. Believe me or not. Deep inside, somewhere deep deep down your heart, the girl that you truly like isn't me. Its her :) And I've learnt to see that now. The only reason you like me, is because you couldn't get me. Hahah. I'm not saying you're a player. But its just the attraction law of human nature. You don't really like me. You're just curious about me. Like how it'll be if we were together. You know the song, If I let you go by Westlife? Yea, thats just what you're feeling. But its not love, I can tell you that. I'm not the one.
You said that you'll always be there for me right? Hahaha. Truth it, you barely were. There were times when I needed you, and you were with her :) there were times where I'll break down but you weren't there, instead, other people were. I just don't tell you about those times after it passed. But now that I look back at it, we're really not meant for each other. I think things were better before we decided to take a step forward.
I used to laugh with you, used to look forward to spending time with you. But now I don't feel the excitement anymore. I don't laugh when I'm with you, I don't act like myself when I'm around you. And I think you feel the same way. We don't talk much, thats a fact. We're just awkward now. Hahaha.
I guess we're better off being friends. Maybe all these while, I'm the best friend and she's the girlfriend :) Trust me in this, she's the one for you. She cares so much more about you than I do. She's there, and I won't be. Believe it or not, I really want you guys to be together :)

So, save three of us from this agony, look into your heart and find out that you're in love with her, not me :)

Hahaha. This is really like talking to myself. Maybe one day, I'll be brave enough to actually unlock my blog so that you'll read this. For now, lets just keep it in my head (:

2010-05-27T16:19:00.004+08:00

I'm never good enough. & I'll probably never be.

2010-05-22T23:51:00.002+08:00

How can I let you love me, when I don't even love myself?

Knowing that you're always there for me just makes me feel more ashamed of myself. I can't lose you again. But will I ever make you as happy as you make me?

All I can do is try. I'll try hard, for you.

2010-05-21T20:35:00.003+08:00

This boy, missed his aim when he tried to throw an ice to his friend.
And thus, broody ice wacked my head.
It hit hard. The pain was unbearable. But I wasn't sure if it was the pain on my forehead, or in my guts.

I tend to make the same mistake everytime! And this time, there's no turning back. Once lost, gone forever. I can't believe I did it. What was I thinking? My mind, my heart, my actions. Urggh! I probably just lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
When you asked me why I like you, I just got scared. I don't know why. That night, my mind just went cuckoo and the next thing I knew, I lost you. I mean, gosh, I LIKE YOU. I like it when you care about me, I like it when you're honest with me, I like it when you wait for me everytime after school. But now, I'm only left with your shadow. You striked me when you said you didn't wanna be with me cause I feel guilty. I guess thats why I got scared. I like you, but I don't know why. Why? Isit because of the guilt? Isit enought overcome the guilt? Isit enough to commit myself to you? I have no idea. Thats why I freaked out, I didn't wanna use you. In whatever way, I didn't wanna do it. But what difference does it make? You're still broken up into pieces. Worse than ever this time. I keep doing this. On-off liking you. On-off hurting you, deeper each time. I'm so sick of it. So sick of myself. Every felt like you hate yourself so much that you don't mind just dying? I close my eyes and I see the pain in your eyes. I wake up each morning feeling so sick of myself. I can't even look at myself anymore. This bitch is staring at me when I look into the mirror. I can't face you anymore. I can't look at you without feeling ashamed of myself. I'm so tired of being me.

Carry on, you won't miss me when I'm gone, won't hear the phone ring. Yeah, I'm guilty, guilty of everything.
Free by Boys Like Girls (this has always been my theme song with you)

Sonnet 21.5
The pain, the sorrow, the tears in my eyes,
Are all I feel whenever you pass by,
The heart can't syncronise, with the mind,
The minute I decided to say goodbye.

Your love was deep, your love was strong,
Straight from the heart and lasted long.
I swear upon the pureness of your love,
Which can be compared to a glorious dove.

But I, foolish, naive and completely absurd,
Threw your love without a word.
Sorry; is all I have to make yours,
though I know sorry might not cure.

Now, here I sit, reciting these lines,
Confused, remorsed and completely messed in the mind.

2010-05-10T00:29:00.003+08:00

Hahaha. You wanna know whats on my mind?

Well I'm thinking that, you'll be reading this soon. LOL
And also, I'm thinking about how I'm brainstorming to update my blog, while you're snoring your head off :P

Hmm, I'm also thinking that I don't want to like you.
I don't wanna feel frustrated or worried. Paranoid when something really small happens. I don't wanna smile like an idiot when you msg me, or frown patheticly when you don't.
But what can I do, when I already do like you?
Hahah. I told you before right? I always act as if I'm good at these things. Giving advices and all. But truth is, I've got bad experiences. Yeap, really bad ones caused by countless mistakes I made, even with you, that has left me with too much regret. I don't wanna regret this time. People say, we should take caution when it comes to love. I just want to take things slow. Will it be too much to ask of you to follow my pace? I know you've been waiting for too long now, but I just want to be sure before I take the next step. Will you still wait for me? I just want the moment to be special when I say it. Hahaha. Call me cliche, but a girl can dream ;)

P/S : I don't care what people think about you, feel about you, or even talk about you. I care about how you treat me. And you're treating me better than anything I can ask for :) Doesn't every girl love to be pampered? And yess, I'm a girl :D

2010-05-09T17:55:00.001+08:00

Stop stalking me, YOU reading the page right now :P

2010-05-03T14:31:00.002+08:00

Does it feel awkward between us?
I don't know.

But time will heal us right (:
I've been making you wait for too long. Broke your heart too many times and yet you've not given up. Maybe its time, time for something to happen.

But,
I'm afraid.

Its not that I don't trust you, cause I honestly do. But, I'm afraid. Fullstop.

2010-04-09T15:32:00.002+08:00

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I used to be the one, that knows what she's doing. I was so sure of the answers to the questions. But now, I'm just so confused with everything. I feel like I took God's gift to me for granted and now its been taken back. I don't understand anything anymore! I can't concentrate in class, neither at home. I know my friends have been pushing me to get back on track, but I can't find my way to it. I am distracted, my mind is wandering. Is everything getting harder or am I just getting dumber? The pressure is building, the expectations are being stated. I know what people expect from me. When they say; Can you belive I'm teaching Jan Yi how to do this?
I'm clear about the expectations from family, friends, teachers. But I don't know what I expect of myself. Where is my goal? Is it just to please them? For my ego? For my future?

I'm lost.

2010-04-09T15:18:00.002+08:00

The guilt starts kicking in after the crime.

I usually have an explanation for everything I do.
Whether its some crap to just back me up, I'd have something to say.
But this time, I'm blunt.

I guess this time, I acted entirely based on emotion.
I didn't know what I was thinking at all.
I just felt, betrayed? There were so many things going on in my mind at one time, confusion, sadness, guilt. But surprisingly, not anger. I did not feel angry at all. More of disappointment. Disappointed to know that was how you felt. Without thinking, I just wanted to tell you how I felt so badly! Somethings are best to be left behind. But this time, I just wanted to get everything out of my chest. I don't wanna live in confusion anymore. There're so many things that we have to explain to each other. Everytime we try talking about this issue, you'd just tell me not to worry and that you don't want our relationship to end. But look at where we are now.

Yeah, I do feel so guilty after pressing send. But not guilty because I spoke my mind. Guilty because I ruined your friendship with him. It was honestly not his fault, it was forced out of him. And I feel guilty for using the wrong words. Well, there's just too many things to be explained and saying it here will not help with anything. I don't wanna wait for time to heal things anymore. Time time time, we don't have enough of it!

Don't you realise time is speeding pass us and we're still stuck where we are?

2010-04-03T00:18:00.002+08:00

If only we could go back to being toddlers,
where we forget faster than we forgive.

Man, I screwed up. Yeahh, big time.

Will apologizing change anything? If it even helps, you should know how terribly sorry I am :(

2010-03-31T18:01:00.002+08:00

Running away is not a solution.
And yet, I'm the one running now.

When you have no one to talk to,
you talk to the computer :)

History once again repeats itself.
This is all going to be funny when we look back 10 years from now. But as of the moment, I don't see me laughing.
Today, i walked passed you. Heh, that sounds so pathetic. For the past few days, I've been trying to avoid any contact with you. By taking the long way just so I don't have to walk pass your class. By skipping recess just so we won't be at least 10 feet near each other. Heh, why am I doing this? Why should I be doing this? My friend says, even if you act weird, I should just continue being normal, just so it'd be easier on the both of us. Easier said than done. I realised, the more you try to avoid someone, the more you'd bump into that person. That is a fact! Today, hahaa, I purposely walked a longer distance, to use the other stairs, just so I won't bump into you. But I guess we were both playing the who-can-avoid-better game, cause you used that stairs too. Soo, the unavoidable awkward moment started. I waved. I mean, what else was I suppose to do? But obviously, you felt there was another option other than waving, to ignore instead. You once told me, there's a difference between ignoring and avoiding. Ignoring is like not giving any respond to the person and avoiding is totally trying to not run away from that person. I think you're trying to ignore and avoid me. Double trouble, how cool is that? It really is like dejavu. I remember how horrible I felt the last time this happened to me. Even breathing was hard.

Tell me when you want to be friends again, alright. This silence is torturing me and I seriously don't plan on ending my high school life like this. Time will heal, yeah, but how long? One week, two months, a year, ten years maybe? I don't have time to spare...

2010-03-15T23:48:00.002+08:00

I hate boys.
In general, I don't.
Just specifically.

If you consider me a boy, then fine, I hate myself.
Why, is the famous question. Of course every decision comes with an answer.
Now heres mine.

Boys, they always win.
In the mind game, I mean.
Yess! Believe it or not, they always win.
And they don't even have a strategy!! Thats the aggravating part -__-
How do they make someone feel so many emotions at one time?!?
Well, girls have many times prove that its possible, thanks to boys.
NOOO! You should not be proud!!

Its like one minute, you're making me so worried and wondering whats happening.
Then, you make me so angry because it was bullshit.
Then you make me happy when you apologize for it!!

And now, you're making me wonder,
where is our relationship going?

But one things for sure,
where ever this journey is taking us,
I don't plan to quit anytime soon ;)

But I still hate boys -__-

2010-03-14T20:56:00.002+08:00

Why would a guy like you, talk to a girl like me?

Seee, girls are paranoid -__-

I was looking through some stuffs that day, and it hit me that,
you know so many other people.
You have this huge link of friends, which obviously consist of many many infinity number of girls which are more girly, prettier, kinder, smarter...Oh well, you get the picture.

So, why even talk to me?

Well, its a just a question.
Definitely NOT a complain ;)

2010-03-05T18:54:00.002+08:00

Am I the only one that feels the need to talk to you all the time?
I think so.

I know I don't even stand a chance beside her.
She's nicer, funnier, more hyper. And you guys seem to click, just like that!
Its like you were designed for each other.
I should've managed to install that thought into my brain by now,
but somehow, my eyes always seem to flicker to your direction when we're in the same room.
Hahah. Its funny when I think about what teacher said before,
"Sometimes the person you love most, will not love you back. Thats just life."
Soo, what if I don't plan to succome to life?

I see the way you look at her.
The way you take the initiative to talk to her, and just her.
Hahah. Sometimes, I wonder if I look exactly like you when I try to get your attention.
To at least get a glance from you. But, you never look my way.

Should I just give up?
Its easy to fall in love, but difficult to fall out of it.

2010-02-07T22:59:00.002+08:00

You know, its funny when you read back your old posts and wonder how did you manage to come up with words and sentences like that? It like a different person is managing your words for you. Well, this is what happens when trouble takes over your minds.

Sometimes the memories of our history flashes through my mind and I wonder over and over again if I made a mistake letting go. But then again, too late to change anything now. Of course I appreciate every moment we spent together. Whether we were laughing, secretly liking, scolding, arguing, lying or whatever crap we were doing. But now it's time to let go. Our memories together will stick close to me while you build your new memories. Truthfully, I'm happy for you (:

Trying is such a simple word, but it holds so much more than just 6 alphabets. We try everyday in life. Whether we're trying to fit in, trying to be funny, trying to laugh or whatever. We all do this for one reason, to be noticed. Who doesn't wanna be the popular one? Who doesn't wanna e loved? But sometimes, things just doesn't go your way. Just because you tried, doesn't mean you'd succeed. 'Cause hey, everyone is trying just as hard as you. Sometimes, I just feel so tired of trying. No wait! Scratch that. I feel tired of failing whenever I try to do something. When I try to laugh along just so i don't get left out, when I try to keep talking just so there wont be an awkward moment, when I try to be funny just so people will laugh with me not at me. Sometimes, you just gotta know when to stop trying. But one things for sure, I'm not going to stop trying now. Even if it means embarrassing myself, or crying in the showers every night, I'd try hard to find who I am. To stop sailing without a compass. To find myself.

And when I do find myself, I'd finally be able to laugh out loud from my heart and not from my mind. I'd be able to stand up tall and be proud of myself. For now, I just need a lil' bit of support from the people around me. I believe that support is where we get our faith and hope for us to keep trying though we failed numerous times.

If I can keep trying, why can't you?

2010-01-19T16:39:00.002+08:00

Wow, it has really been a long time since I blogged right? I bet nobody even comes here anymore.
So I guess its safe to dump some shit here right? Hahah.

Well, I really don't know whats going on in my life anymore. Friends whom I used to talk to every minute of everyday are slowly slipping away. Heck, its even a miracle that I say more than 5 words to them in a day. People whom I used to talk to every night is slowly ignoring me. Did so many things change during the holidays?

Sometimes I really don't know what I want. People say, just follow your heart. But my heart can't make up its mind. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Urghh. I'm just really confused with everything right now. Things used to be so simple last time, just like abc. We used to laugh and joke around without any secrets and burden. But I guess as we grow older, the laughter tones down and the burdens build up.

I just don't want to leave high school knowing that our friendship ended like that because of mistakes that nobody could prevent. I want to make a difference in people's lives before leaving, I wanna mark my presence in your hearts because you have done the same to mine. So, please give me another chance to fix us.

2009-12-11T13:08:00.002+08:00

I`M GOING TO JAPAN!!

Whooott :DD
That gives me a good reason to unblog my blog.

Muahhaahh!!

Anyway, I doubt anyone is reading this :P

This holiday is definitely something to remember, even before I go to Japan.
It has taught me alot about family, friendship, annoying people (aka DROOL), relationships etc.

I just feel like this whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Before this, I would be dreaming and worrying about the same thing night over night.
But not anymore.

And I thank you for that (:

Now, imma leave for Japan in peace,
cry there for a few nights,
then start camwhoring like crazy,
and last but not least,
come home and laugh laugh laugh.

MUHAHAAH!!

Loovess (:

2009-11-08T11:55:00.002+08:00

.....

Sometimes songs can speak so much. Just the harmony, the lyrics, the way its sung. You can express so much, everything thats hidden inside, with just a song.

Lies lies lies. Its true that one lie leads to another. And another, and another. Eventually the lies pile up and there's no way to get out. Sometimes you lie to protect someone, or maybe just protect yourself. The truth hurts most of the time. And us, just mere humans, deadly afraid of being hurt, lies to run away from the pain and sorrow. But sooner or later, we'd have to face the truth and explain our lies. Yupe, the explaining part sucks the most.

Sometimes when you lie too much, it makes it hard for anyone to trust you ever again. You come to a point where you realize that all the lying in the past does not pay off when this one person, whom you want so badly to trust you, doesn't. So yeah, it sucks being the kid who shouted 'WOLF' too many times.

But what if this works two ways? What if, you're being lied to too? Its so funny that we both say we trust each other no matter what, but yet we still doubt each others' words. We say we'd never get mad at each other, and yet we still do. Words are so easily manipulated. People no longer say things they mean, they just say it to please others.

So, how can I trust you when your actions speak otherwise?

How do you be with someone that you feel guilty around? How do you like someone that tells you you're living off the guilt for all the things you've done wrong? Shouldn't he be saying; It's alright. It's not your fault. But then again, he'd be lying, no? But I don't get it. You just like rubbing it into my face that I screwed up right? Well, thanks for your support. I feel much better after talking to you about my freaking screw ups.

2009-10-28T17:07:00.002+08:00

Hmm, I barely update nowadays cause nobody reads it anymore. soo, it's like a dead blog. But I said its like, not entirely. Soo, I'm rekindling the life of this blog. HAhaah !!

Anyway, I think it soo tiring to update about my life and outings *blablabla* cause you have to post up pictures, write captions, tell the whole story etc. I'm way too lazy to do that anymore. So I guess, whenever I update, it'd be about some crap problem that I'm having in my teenage life. Hahaha!

And this is just a false alarm. I don't have a teenage problem now. I'm just updating for the crap of it. Muahah !!

Aight, bye (:

2009-09-25T16:55:00.002+08:00

Hopefully you're reading this cause I don't know how to tell you this by myself.

Anyway, remember the last msg you sent to me? Well, I only got half of what you wanted to say. Bottom line is, the text didn't fully get through. It got cut half way so I only got to read the first part. And it didn't sound like a good way to end anything. Soo, I just really want to know what the content of the other half was.

And I'm sorry for everything I've done. Yess, its stupid of me for always apologizing without doing anything about it, but it's probably the only thing I'm capable of doing. I'm sorry.

`You're A Jerk :D

2009-09-19T23:57:00.002+08:00

I was wrong about you.

Yupe, I actually thought I was guilty for making you suffer.
And I take back everything I've said to you.

But thanks for the lesson though.
I'd make sure not to trust anyone like your species again (:

Peace, Jerk :D

2009-09-13T14:08:00.002+08:00

George something on our history book was famous for the line; Those who cannot remember the past are condemmed to repeat it. But I remembered it vividly and yet, it's repeating itself. I did not ask for all this to happen. Yet I feel the pain that its causing. I keep telling you that I'm no good for you. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not as nice as I seem to be. I'm a bitch. Everyone knows that. I lie, I deceive, I pretend, I backstab. I'm everything thats bad for you. And I'm guilty, guilty for everything. I just feel like running away. Escaping from everything thats causing both of us this much pain.

I still remember how horrible it felt when this happened the last time. Tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face. I'm sure the pain was so unbearable that I won't be able to feel anything even if you stabbed a knife into my heart. The torturing silence that literally killed me. And when you were finally talking to me again, its as if I've been given a second chance to live. And now, it's all happening again. Just that this time is different. The feeling, is different.

Sometimes I wonder to myself if everything you were telling me if real. People keep telling me not to trust you. But, its just that when you say it, it sounds soo real. It sounds like you mean it, like you mean everything you say. I really want to trust what you're telling me is true. But sometimes, what you do shows me otherwise. Nowadays, I just feel like I don't know you anymore. Like you're a total stranger to me. Last time, I use to think I know you best. Like I knew how you felt, or what you like. But now, everything is blur. The image I have of you in my mind doesn't seem to fit who you are now. Did what happen change who you are now? I'm soo sorry to have caused you all this pain. Its my fault. Everything is my fault. I'm guilty of all charges. And guilty of everything.

I just wish to fall asleep and wake up, hoping that I've forgotten everything. If I had a choice, I'd run away now. Run away to a place so far that you'll never be able to find me. Just so that you can carry on without me. And don't worry, you won't miss me when I'm gone.

Without me, you'd be free.

P/S : Liking a person is not judge by how much to you talk to each other. Its about the feelings you get even when you say hi.

2009-08-24T11:59:00.003+08:00

I LOVE G.I.JOE.

Seriously. There were fighting scenes from the beginning till the end, literally.
And I LOVE IT !!

OhmyGawd. This movie is totally a 9.999/10 (Cause the ending part was abit potong)

I can watch this a million times again, just like Transformers :D

Hmm. Other than that? Highlight of the weekend;

Saturday : Installation BBQ Night
Sunday : G.I.Joe , Steamboat

Soo lazy to blog. Haih.
Byee.

2009-08-20T00:00:00.002+08:00

I'm soo relieved now. Its like this heavy weight that's been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks :D

And I forgotten how was it like to be a Form3.
After talking to them, it just reminds me of how much I miss Form3.
Not to mention 3CEMPAKA !!

Arghh. I wish I could go back.

Attention to Form3's : Enjoy your PMR year. When you reach Form4, thats when it strikes you how fast you're growing and how your life is gonna and just like that.

It just gets worse eveyday.

2009-08-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

Dear God,
The only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around,
When I'm much too far away.

Remember this song?
Or have you really forgotten everything already?

Tagged once more by Lamin` Melvin

2009-08-14T16:13:00.002+08:00

USING ONLY ONE WORD!
It's not as easy as you might think!

Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on.
It's really hard to only use one word answers.
Be sure to tag the person you received it from.

1. Where is your cell phone?
Don't know.

2. Your significant other?
Food :D

3. Your hair?
Washed. LOL

4. Your favourite thing?
Food :)

5.Your dream last night?
Dark.

6. Your favourite drink?
Ribena?

7. Your dream/goal?
Food.

8. What room you are in?
Hall.

9. Your hobby?
Ber-Lame

10. Your fear?
You.

11. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Home.

12. Where were you last night?
Restaurant.

13. Muffins?
Fluffy.

14. Wishlist item?
Music.

15. Where you grew up?
Soil.

16. Last thing you did?
Tagged.

17. What are you wearing?
Guess.

18. Your TV?
Flat :D

19. Your pets?
Bleh.

20. Friends?
Life.

21. Your life?
Family.

22. Your mood?
Frustrated.

23. Missing someone?
Maybe.

24. Car?
Drift !

25. Something you're not wearing?
Boxers.

26. Your favorite store?
Floral.

27. Your favorite color?
Green.

28. When was the last time you laughed?
Now.

29. Last time you cried?
Today.

30. Who will resend this?
MELVIN !!

31. One place that I go to over and over?
Kitchen.

32. One person who emails me regularly?
Facebook.

33. Favorite place to eat?
Beach.

I tag; YOU !

Can't believe I'm doing another tag. Hahaha !!
It's proven.

I'm NICE :D

`Breaking Apart.

2009-08-13T14:56:00.003+08:00

Ever felt like everything is falling apart? Well, that's what I'm feeling right now.

This week is probably the worse week ever. Day by day, everything seems to get harder. Everything was fine before this. But why did you mess with the balance?

I just feel like an idiot now. I feel soo stupid. Like I'm not capable of achieving anything at all. I'm flunking class ever since July. Not concentrating at all, and not finishing my homework. Today we had Bio and Moral test. And I had to cheat in both tests just to make sure I don't fail. People expect much more from me. I expected more from myself. I feel like I don't have the energy to do anything anymore. I can't understand anything that everyone is filling into my head. Bio, Physics, +Maths, History ... even Mod Maths. Maybe I'm not even trying hard enough to understand. My study life is just going downhill.

And to add salt to the wound, I don't know what's happening to our friendship. Usually you'd say hi to me, ask me questions, talk to me `bout whatever crap possible. But today, you've not even acknowledge my existence. Not even a slight smile when our eyes meet. I never asked for this to happen. Why can't we just talk like we do last time? What happened to the endless texts we used to send each other just to talk about crap? Where's the guy that'll talk to me when I'm facing troubles like this? Where's the guy that'll ask me about +Maths just so that I can show off my skills? I miss my best friend.

I just want everything to go back to as they were before. I want to laugh again with my heart around you. Why won't you give me a chance?

Sometimes love comes around. And they knock you down.

Just get back up, when they knock you down.

- Keri Hilson

The Familiar Sorrow.

2009-08-12T23:46:00.001+08:00

Today we went and pay respect to Pn.Teh's husband. I didn't know it'd strike me this hard, that the hollow part in me wasn't filled up yet.I went there hoping to make Pn.Teh feel better by giving her support. But instead, I myself broke down in tears. And it wasn't even mine to shed.

I can remember so vividly the familiar chanting from the player. The bouquet of white roses lined up beside the table. The framed up picture in the centre right in front of the coffin. And of course, the body in the coffin itself.While taking small steps towards the coffin, tears already filled up my eyes.I was hesitating.Wondering if I should look into the coffin. Wondering if it'd bring back the painful feelings that filled the house the day he left. And yes, it did. It was like dejavu all over again. Instead, this time, reality struck harder.

I knew I should've been strong. And I regretted not doing so.I regretted making a fool out of myself, letting my emotions conquer me, and thus destroying the walls that Pn.Teh built around herself to stay strong. But I just can't help it. I should know that I've cried enough when he actually left, but to relive the scene once more? It felt as if he left me again. Once was enough.

I do miss him soo dearly. Remembering the times he used to fetch me around, buy me food while I spent my school holidays with him and my grandmother. I practically grew up believing that my grandma and him were my 2nd parents. I knew I wasn't very fond of him when I was younger. But as I grew older, I noticed how much he loved me,even if I might have made him sad countless times. I regret not being the best grandchild that I could've been. I regret not telling you I Love You every single day. There's so many things that I wish to talk to you about. Soo many things that I want to apologize for. I didn't even get to tell you how much I relly love you before you left.

I hope you still hear me now. Screaming at the top of my lungs, telling you how much I really love you, grandpa.

Why Am I Doing This?

2009-08-10T15:23:00.003+08:00

Cause I'm being very nice. Hahaha.

Tagged by Melvin Cheah !

1. Besides your lips, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?
Attention to my future boyfriend/husband; My forehead (:

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
Hungry !! Thank God humans created muffins :D

3. Who was the last person people you took photo with?
My two lame kaki-lang : Swen and Des.

4. Would you consider yourself spoilt?
Definitely not. I'm brand new. LOL

5. Will you ever donate blood?
To save mankind? Why not.

6. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
Plenty. Hey, after all, I'm 50 man and 50 woman right? I accept that fact !!

7. Do you want someone to be dead?
The fella that tagged me. Hahahah !! Just kidding ;p

8. What does your last message say?
This is so random. Texting or pm? Urm. "Shut up, you bimbo"? Lol

9. What are you thinking right now?
"Why whyy whyy am I doing this tag? You should be happy, Melvin. Hahaha!"

10. Do you want someone to be with you right now?
Chace Crawford. Hahah !

11. What was the time you went to bed last night?
1am? Was watching "I'm a celebrity, get me outta here." Damn funny. LOL

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now?
Another totally random question. Is this a stalker? Hahaha. Urm, Giordano.

13. Is someone in your mind right now?
My MOM !! She's gonna come back anytime soon. And I'm illegally onlining. Hahaha

14. Who was the last person who text you?
Chang Meng Kit. Yess, I still hate you. Lol

10 "lucky" people do this quiz.
1. Melvin, how dare you tag me? Lol
2. Manda
3. Des
4. Swen
5. Daey
6. Xing
7. Andrew
8. My sis, Mei (: Though I know she wont do it.
9. Shiat Hui
10. Huey

15. Who is number 2 having a relationship with?
Hahaha. This is P/C. Lol

16. Is number 3 a male or female?
I sometimes wonder myself. Hahaha

17. If number 7 and number 1 get together will it be good?
Urm. Aren't they already together? LOL

18. What is number 1 studying?
Hahaha. Like he said; Chapter 4. His favourite.

19. Is number 4 single?
Taken by me. Back off, people. Hahaa

20. Say something about number 6.
L-A-M-E dude that sits beside me :D

21. What you think of number 3 and number 6 being together?
HAHAHAHAHAH !! Speechless. LOL

22. Describe number 9.
Hyperactive ;D

23. Do you like number 8?
Lovee her :)

DONE :D

2009-08-09T14:33:00.002+08:00

Haih. My rep la, kiddo.
This is what it seems like .....
This is what happens BEHIND THE SCENES.

Its a tragic story....

Special message to ma` boys

2009-08-02T17:00:00.003+08:00

Hopefully you know who you are (:

I've heard that there are some problems you guys are facing. Somethings that might shake your friendship. You might not always see eye to eye but isn't that part of what makes you stronger as one? Although you have your own individual opinions about everything but you gotta learn to think as a team. Make decisions that benefits each other and not just yourself. You're not aiming for stardom as an individual, you're aiming for success as ONE. Even if you cant reach a decision as a team, do not let those obstacles ruin your friendship. Friends are more important than your career. Just trust each other for trust is all you need to succeed. Sometimes you might feel like anything and everything that you have done might not be enough to bring joy to others. But the truth is, your effort shows how much you care for us and how much you want to make us happy. It does not always have to be perfect. Sometimes the tiny flaws you have are the ones that build you up to be stars. You may have lost the battle, but you can still win the war. So stand up, rise from the ashes and give it another shot. A loser is not determined by matches you've lost, but by the matches that kept you on the ground.

Even if the whole world doubt you, I'd still be here.
Standing strong, ready to offer my hands whenever you need help.
Your faithful friend :D

2009-07-21T17:04:00.001+08:00

I'm just trying to keep this blog alive. Hahaa !!

Anyway, I have good news :D
But I'm not gonna spill it till I confirm it.
Wont wanna jinx it, you know. LOL

LEO Installation of the 25th of July, this coming saturday !!
You're coming right?

Support me laa :)

2009-07-19T23:55:00.001+08:00

Urgh. Time is running out. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock.

Hate this.

2009-07-18T12:51:00.002+08:00

I dont know what I'm feeling now. Is this anger? Or am I upset? Sometimes I wonder, is this all even worth it? I was once strong at heart. Once confident in whatever I'm doing. But not anymore. I'm doubting myself now. Asking myself over and over again, when did I start becoming like this? When did I start becoming so annoying, aggravating everyone. Asking for so much. It's as if other people dont have their own problems to deal with already. I dont remember myself being so weak. I should've known that this would happen since the beginning of the year. I keep telling myself, "you can handle this". But the truth is, I cant. I was living in denial all this while, because I know that if I were to admit the truth, I would not be able to handle it. And when I finally admitted it, the impact was far worse than I imagined. Urgh! I hate myself for being like this. So fragile. So weak. This really sucks. But I cant do anything about it. I cant change the past to heal the future. People say, there's no point crying over spilt milk. But words are only words. Harder done than said. You must be thinking; "OhmyGawd. Can she get over this already ar?". I just need someone to tell it all to. Someone that I can turn to in times of need. But I cant trust anyone anymore. Not even myself. Everyone is so caught up with their lives and I wouldn't wanna be an annoyance anymore. There's actually soo many things that I wanna tell you. So many things that I wanna let you know. But the timing is always wrong. And I don't have the confidence to deal with the consequences. I guess, keeping it all to myself will be the best for everyone. Soo, blogspot, you're officially my best friend.

Officially The Head PR :D

2009-07-14T20:41:00.002+08:00

I'm publicity-ing like CRAZY !!

Hahaha. Anyway, more pictures on Facebook (:

P/S: I have a special Hot Attics album on Facebook okay. LOL

2009-07-07T21:31:00.001+08:00

I probably should update,
but I just cant find the time.

Urgh.

I keep falling asleep in tuition.
Its as if I paid to go to sleep.

Its soo frustrating.

Okay ... byee (:

All I Can Say Is ... Thank You (:

2009-06-27T21:21:00.003+08:00

Thank you thank you thank you thank you ....
When would I stop saying that. Hahaha :D

Ssooo, I knew you guys were planning something,
but I didn't know it'd be this huge !!

I mean, crashing my house ?? LOL.
My 'secret lair'.

I just, don't know what to say.
Speechless ...

Urm. A thank you speech.

Well, I've always been insecure. Insecure of our friendship. I was weak. Had no faith. I thought that being in different classes would change everything. That it might break what we have, who we are. But obviously, I was wrong. I should have believed in you. You know, I'm easily affected by every little thing that happens around me. Every word you say can make a difference in my emotion. And that is why I was so doubtful. Soo, I'm sorry I never trusted you guys enough to shed my worries aside. And now I have. After what you have done for me, everything you have sacrificed to make my birthday the most memorable one yet. Thank you thank you and thank you. I'm just soo speechless. Omo. I sound soo cliche. But wth? Thanks :)

P/S : Pictures are uploaded on my Facebook.

2009-06-27T21:06:00.002+08:00

I know I have not been updating, soo imma do it now (:

On Friday, I finally went and eat tong shui after soo much craving.

Sooo lazy to explain. So yeah (:

JanYi loves her Daddy (:

2009-06-20T23:40:00.003+08:00

Wednesday . 17.06.2009

Tuition (:

Look at the amount of sweets we ate. Lol !!

Thursday , 18.06.2009

I was looking through my old stuff and I found this.
I wrote it during last year's end term exam.

Hahaha !
My korean craze :D

Friday , 19.06.2009

This is like a Father's Weekend Celebration.

Since my mom is in Ipoh, I'm left with my dad and sis only.
Sooo, we bond (:

Fetched my aunt to KL Central. Soo, we went to Bangsar for dinner.

And I found a restaurant that is named after Shiva. Or sort of ..
And its black in colour too. Lol.

Went to Delicious to have dinner in Bangsar Village II.

The tiramisuu was nice (:
But abit dry though.

I like the short latte better.

I really think I'm a coffee-holic. Hahaha !!

Saturday , 20.06.2009

Went to Sunway College to fetch Mei then had lunch at Sunway Pyramid.

Its been years since I've actually walked around Sunway Pyramid and that place is HUGE !!

Then after that, we had dinner at Tropicana (:

The buffet place that I used to go to everytime.

Omo. It was good !!

They even have sashimi.

The best ever !!

I love you , daddy.

For giving me such great food :D

The Cutest Thing Always Comes In Small Packets.

2009-06-15T21:17:00.003+08:00

Last weekend, I went back to my hometown, Mantin to celebrate the Lui Family's Fathers' Day.

Obviously, all the fathers were shirtless with their very round and firm tummy showing off, symbolizing prosperity.
LOL !!

And I was playing with my cousin whom they say look exactly like me when I was young.
They keep taking my baby picture saying that its her in it. Hahaha !

Well, why dont you be the judge.

I don't think we look very alike. How do you know if someone looks alike?

Isn't she adorable? Ahh. I just love her :D

I was drinking milo and I didn't finish it. Sooo, she was like (in mandarin);

"Che che, you didn't finish your milo. Faster come drink."

And I was sitting on the baby chair that time, so she brought the cup to me and fed me. Hahaha.

She's soo cute (:

Music of the Day : Permanent by David Cook

2009-06-12T22:54:00.002+08:00

" The sky and clouds will be my witness. No matter how dangerous the situation might be, or how little chance there may be, I will still live for you. Because I wanna spend the rest of my life loving and pampering you. " - Ivan (Forensic Heroes 2)

I just finished watching Forensic Heroes 2's last episode.
And it was soo touching, the way he proposed to her.

Ahh. I'm in love. With TVB actors. LOL !!

I've got my favourites already :D
But I'm not gonna rate them. Just in general.

Kevin Cheng Ka Weng

Ron Ng Cheuk Hei

Raymond Lam Fung

Steven Ma

Fred Cheng Chun Wan

Not gonna elaborate much cause I'm just soo sleepy now. Hahaha !!

Just saying that they're really handsome.

And not to mention really good actors.

Love 'em all. Hahaha !!

I'm Permanent.

2009-06-12T11:18:00.006+08:00

Updates all at once :D

Wednesday , 10.06.2009
Went for steamboat at Tasty Pot with the kiddos'.

And never listen to Swen giving you directions,
its all topsy-turvy. Lol!

That's dear Jia, smiling with his Darlie smile. Hahaha !! I made him pose for this (:

I didn't make him pose for this. LOL.
I always get shots of him holding a tissue to his nose. (refer to the HSM3 post)

And that's the crazy people that lovess the camera. Buncha' posers !

The highlight of the day ....

Destinee calling her own phone with WaiPhun's phone cause she was sooo despo to talk on the phone. Hahahah !!

Why're you snapping a picture of me snapping a picture of you. Hahahaa !!

And Daey. Check out his shirt. "In Your Dreams".

Realise he is starting to wear statement shirts.

And there's Jon. Can you believe I knew this guy since standard 1. That's 10 years already. (including this year)

And I was never close to him till this year, though I sat beside him in std.6.

Lol !

Forgot to take a picture of Sheung Jien. Who was doing a good job serving us tea. Hahhaaa !!

Thursday , 11.06.2009

Went to Tropicana Club to play tennis with Daey, Jon, Xing, Des, Swen and ZerRinn.

You know why we suddenly decide to go tennis.
It was because on Tuesday, I told Daey I was a member in Tropicana, then he got sooo excited and called us all to play tennis.

Can you believe it, Daey actually planned an outing. Counted as an outing la. LOL !

Xing, Des and I took a break from wacking tennis balls to eat ice-cream when we passed by the golf course and we thought it was a great background for pictures.

Jan : Eh, lets take a picture la.
Xing : (stops walking) Okay, take la.

And there it is, his pose.
Then he changed his pose and said, "Okay, take another one."

But he's kill me if I posted that picture. So, I didn't (:

Hahaaha !! Weird picture. But wtv.

What Happens When You Lose Your Heart's Desire ?

2009-06-02T23:34:00.003+08:00

Anyone still remember the Twilight craze?

Well, its on again (:
And Lui Jan Yi is updated this time.

Omolah !! Seriously cant wait for New Moon to finally make its way to the theatres.

Official New Moon Trailer. Enjoy :D

Music of the Day : Juliette by SHINee

Kakilangss.

2009-06-02T15:26:00.002+08:00

Hii once again (:

Notice I'm been updating more since I got my new phone?
LOL !!

Today I had lunch with the tuition gang :

Lame cam-whore : Destinee Potassium Hydroxide

She seriously sucha camm fella. Daey and I went through her gallery and there were like 60 pictures of her wearing the same shirt with the same background. LOL !

Pretty Boy : Jon Chooi aka JC

Jon is probably the only one that does his work in tuition. Hahahah !!

Endangered Chinese Species : David Teow XH

I'm not kidding bout his title. I switched my phone to night mode just for him. Hahahah !!

Truckloads of Pictures (:

2009-06-01T20:10:00.013+08:00

Hello, my fellow blogger and visitors (:

Today, imma' blog about something that has alot of picture.

Soo, you won't have to read that much. Hahahah !!

I went to the very awesome Xing's house yesterday just to crash his place earlier.
And I was talking about Xing's house being awesome, not him. LOL !

I was the only one there early since Des ditched me for some reasons.

So I took over his Xbox and played Devil May Cry 4.

I seriously have some hidden potential. HAhaha !!

After awhile, Des and Jia arrived and we cycled out to buy Maggie Mee for lunch.

Then, on the way back, we saw WaiPhun. With his "durian". That only meant one thing,
More Pictures !! LOL

After the SO and Dirt gang assembled, we went to Xing's favourite place in the world,
Giant !

It was sooo funny picking out chicken wings with Des and Jia.
The worst was Jia's perception on whats cheap and whats not. LOL !

After that, we went back to Xing's and started working in the kitchen.

Check out his loaded fridge. Paradise ~

Everyone disagree to buy this, but I just sneaked it into the trolley and therefore (the triple dot), Xing terpaksa to pay for this. Muahahah !!

There were alot of other things that I sneaked into the trolley. LOL !

But it didn't taste that good, so Jia is examining it.

The the beautiful chicken wings (:

Say thanks to Des and I for picking the perfect chicken with the perfect amount of fats.

And Jia contributed too. For like 2 outta 20 chickens here. LOL !

After that, we got sooo bored, that we went back to the game room, and rot there.

And took pictures (:

And then, the arrival of guest (: Right on time.

Guess what's the colour code. And guess who's breaking it?
LOL !

And that's Jia's priceless face when he found out he gotta start the fire.

Soo, he started fanning. And fanning.

And fanning. And fanning.

And finally the fire started. When the night fell !!
And check him out, enjoying the fire with a kebab in his hands. Hahahah !!

After that, everyone started arriving.

Manda (:

Daey (:

Tze (:

Vino (:

Mag (:

And once again, presenting the JMD+D (:

Candid !!

Daey is gonna kill me for doing this. Hahahah !!

And what did we do there?

Compete in " who's sepet eyes is bigger? "

Cam whore with Xing's huge mirror.

I think Xing wants this picture.
He was posing specially for it. LOL !

We had to take this picture like a million times cause we were using the timer.
It was hilarious :D

See the two ghost-like figures on the left and top.
Well, one of them is Mag and the other is Swen.

I was barbeque-ing while sitting next to Daey, and then he turned to me and said; "This is soo fun." with his darlie smile.
And yeah, it was fun (:

Fun sounds like a simple world, but it holds alot of meaning, don't you think?

P/S : I was having such a hard time loading the pictures,
cause - to the bloggers - you know how horrible blogger is with the picture arrangement and all. I felt like my eyes were dying.
Sooo, appreciate my beautiful post, and LEAVE SOMETHING AT THE CBOX. Nice treat huh?

New Kids On The Block.

2009-06-01T17:00:00.003+08:00

Did you know, that's a real group in America?
LOL !

But no, I'm not blogging about them this time,
cause they're wayy too old. Off my league.

Instead, I'm talking about Hot Attics (:

Does that ring any bells?
*bell ringing*

This should do the trick :D

Don't recognise the members?
Well, why do you think I'm here (:

From the left;
Mysterious Rocker - Asyrul Hafetzy
Adorable and Classic - Wan Asyraf
Romantic Gentleman - Mohd. Syahir
Caring Bandmate - Kamarul Arifin

Have you heard them, during Teacher's Day celebration?
Well, if you didn't, you should really slap yourself.
Hahahah !!

They play in harmony, as one (:
That's what a band is about, right?

Music of the Day : It's All About You by Hot Attics (originally by McFly)

Take those dreams and make them all come true (:

2009-05-30T22:37:00.005+08:00

Ohno. These pictures are soo outdated and I don't even have the time to blog about each and every one of these events.

Sooo, I guess pictures speaks louder than words, right?

Lets start with;

Friday , 29.05.2009

As usual, we went to the badminton court after school.

I would blog about how Des and Swen ditched me !!
But that's just too long winded.

Soo, I'd cut it short.
1. Des thought I went already, so she walked with Swen without me while I was waiting for them.
2. I went out to the front gate and saw Daey and Vino.
3. Sooo, I walked with them to the LRT and almost went back to Vino's house until Sheung Jien, the ghost that came outta nowhere suddenly appeared.
4. So, I ditched Vino and walked with Sheung Jien to the court.

That was fast (:

This time, instead of going to the badminton court, we went to the futsal court to see the guys play.

And the highlight of the story, Vino wearing my smiley face socks. HAHAHahhh !!
Cause he forgot to take a pair of socks with him, sooo I offered mine. LOL !

Takes a real man to wear these okay.

Btw, I haven't even wore those once.
Isn't it such an honour, Vino ?

Check out how rough the boys play.
Omolah !

But it was a good game. Pretty exciting. LOL !

I left the futsal court for like half an hour and when I come back, this is what happens.
A shirtless game. Hahahah !

Look at all the half-naked boys. LOL !
And there's my star player. Star striker (:
Vino is my star player too. But he's a defender. Right?

Check out his shirt. Soo cool eh? LOL !

After the game, we went home.
And I went to Manda's church for the Tracks of Talents event.

Her church is really cool.
Literally. Like COLD !
LOL.

But the stage was cool. Check it out.

That's just part of it.

And then they made us write a tribute to our parents for Mother and Father's Day.

Can you guess which signature is mine? Lol.

That's Kedric with his fedora. If I'm not wrong, its Riyal or Adri's one. Gotta give credits to the right people. LOL !

And he cant stop texting. I know you're wondering who, but I ain't spilling. Hahah !

While he was busy IT-ing, Manda and I were busy trying to attract this kid's attention. Isn't she adorable? Lol :D

Such a good picture, eh? I took it. Durh !

Check out Kedric trying to pull of his dazzling darlie smile. LOL.

I like this. Scratch that, I love it. Check out the lighting (:

Later that night, we went and makan with Manda's friend, NeilB.

He's a cool guy (: Didn't get any pictures though.

Okay, now, another day ...

Saturday , 30.05.2009
We went to USJ8 for the Leo's RCC meeting. And that school is super nice.

They even have great service to usher us to the meeting room.

I like (:

Check out they're assembly court. Cool, eh?

And not to mention, they're school is super huge !!

That's part of the people who attended. Can you spot our representatives? My dear Leo kaki-lang (:

Destinee Potassium Hydroxide.

After the meeting, she followed my family and I to go shopping at Summit.

And she was sooo amazed by my parent's tickled pink joke that she choked while drinking water and literally spat out the water in public. LOL !!

Gotta control her la. Hahahah !!

After the meeting, I went back home, watched a movie and went out again, to the Curve to look for my sister's dress.

Went to Nichii and saw this;

How 'cha think I look like? LOL !

Soo, Kedric. Should I get you this? But I think you're more of a blackie guy, huh?

That's it for today, ma' friends (:

There'll be more tmr. Ciao :D

The Meaningless Post.

2009-05-27T20:23:00.003+08:00

Sooo, what am I suppose to blog about?
Exams are finally over and we're all just lazing around.

And I'm playing Restaurant City on Facebook.
Can you believe it? These people got me influenced.
If I start playing Maple, its proven that I've gone wild.

Sooo, I'm reactivating my Facebook account.
HAhaahh !! Don't know why.

Music of the Day : It's You by Super Junior

Poker Face.

2009-05-24T20:24:00.002+08:00

Being such a kind soul,
I helped Des out in her Leo project (:

Aiya. Forgot to take the before picture, so I only have the after picture.
And I'm soo proud of the product okay.

WOW !

Be amazed (:

And Mr. Calvin Yap would not stop staling the cello tapes I tore. Ish !

This, is a more detailed version of the final product.

Yours truly, LJY did this on her own okay.

Bless the lucky teacher thats about to get this.

LOL !

We were working soo hard okay.

Proof : These Maggie Mee cups !! We can even have a proper meal. Lol.

BUT ! We had our rewards when Xing and WaiPhun arrived.
Smart Xing brought his Texas Poker set to Swen's house.

And its brand new !!
Haven't even open.

Btw. Its 30bucks. Canadian dollars !!
Rich kid !

A special welcome to Des for her special thank you to me.
LOL !!

Music of the Day : It's You by Super Junior

Friendship Starts With The Alphabet F. Obviously !

2009-05-24T19:54:00.003+08:00

Didn't manage to update about our Star Trek outing yesterday.
Don't blame me for being so inefficient.
I have my excuses (:

1. WaiPhun was suppose to send me the pictures, which obviously he didn't.
2. I reached home at 10pm that night. Cause I went out with my family.
3. Thats kinda it. I just wanted to add a no.3 to make the list longer.

Sooo yeah.

Anyway, Star Trek was A-W-E-S-O-M-E !!

And nobody told me beforehand that Chris Pine was in it.
I couldn't emotionally prepare myself and therefore I was blown away by his hotness during the movie. LOL !

Isn't he super hot ?!
Lemme answer of behalf of you, YESS !!

After the movie, we went for a game of pool while Des and Swen went to popular.
I'm thankful I don't have anything to buy in Popular, cant bear the sight of books right after exams.

Soooo, Sheung Jien totally pawned all of us.
And WaiPhun just cant admit defeat. Sore loser. LOL !

While Jia and Xing is in the same category as me.
Though I'm abit more pro than them.
Hahahah !

Sooo, thats another day with my lame friends.

Music of the Day : Kiss A Girl by Keith Urban

Your Kindness Makes My Love For You Grow Stronger.

2009-05-22T20:21:00.006+08:00

Oh.
I'm soo exhausted.

Went for badminton today.
This is gonna be a Friday routine to work up my stamina and as the PJK paper said today; memanjangkan daya tahan otot. Or something like that.

Hopefully I don't get muscle cramps tomorrow,
since I warmed up my body today before playing.
Hahahah.

Before I left,
I went back to the court and became an audience in a male's doubles.

It sooo funny watching FookLee and JunYew play together.
Cause FookLee cant stop hitting JunYew's butt with his racket.

LOL ! They're really one cute gay couple, huh ?
Hahahhaa!

Today FookLee finally kept to his words and played a game with him.
I guess he was pretty upset and angry after playing with me.

Hahahah.
Were you?

Sorry. My skills are blunt.
And JunYew was having a laugh watching me play.
I knew he was. LOL !

And Manda went too !!
But I never got a chance to play with them.
Haih.

Hopefully, next week (:
Just a reminder ; Manda Phuah !! You're coming home with my next Wednesday !!

Des just called me (:

Everyday she tells me; I'd call you tonight la.
And she never does.

So this time, she put it in her reminder and she called !!
Hahahah !!

Very proud of you Des.

Music of the Day : A Change Is Gonna Come by Adam Lambert

2009-05-20T20:10:00.002+08:00

American Idol Finale is going to be over soon.
After the result show tomorrow, and its officially over.

Ohnoo.
A sudden rush of sadness came crashing through the gates of my heart.
(used that in my esaay. Or something like that. LOL)

I really don't know who i'm rooting for.
But a bigger part of me says Adam Lambert. LOL

Anyway, check out my boys, Super Junior, doing their thing on Inkigayo.
Owh. I just miss drooling over them ;D

Its You - Super Junior

Music of the Day : No Boundaries by Adam Lambert / Kris Allen

2009-05-18T15:19:00.002+08:00

Bio paper is finally over.
Feels like the burden is finally off.

BUT ! Obviously I'm gonna get a C cause I seriously screwed the whole paper.
Everything that I read didn't even come out.

But anyway,
no point dreading over the past right?

I'm seriously such an AI addict now.

I was suppose to spend my weekend studying for Bio,
but instead, I was watching the AI Marathon on StarWorld when I actually watched it already !

This is horrible.
And I wonder why I'm gonna screw my Bio.
Oh well.

Still loving the green around me (:

Better appreciate it, guys.
It might not be around tomorrow.

Music of the Day : One by Adam Lambert

The Dreadful Week.

2009-05-15T16:04:00.004+08:00

Yes. The title says it all.

The first week of exams is finally over.
Thank the Lord !

Today was BM Paper 1.
And soo, last night, I was sooo afraid that I couldn't think of the points and all,
so I studied like crazy for BM.

When I came to school,
and sat for the BM paper,
I was thinking to myself,
"Wow, no exams after recess. The school is being nice."

Soo, after BM I was happily all relieved.
Then people started talking about Maths.

And I was like; Why're you talking about maths now ??

And then, they told me 2 minutes before (Vino said they actually told me 20 minutes before, but I spent 18 minutes screaming and shouting. LOL. Kinda true),
we had Mod Maths Paper 2 today !!

Omgee.

Thank God it wasn't Bio, or else,
I'd diee !! Like F-A-I-L.

Other than the exams, it is also a dreadful week because,

American Idol is down to the Finale !!
And Danny Gokey is not in it.

Haih. I don't know who I'm rooting for but don't you think Danny going out is such a waste.
But if Kris went out, it'd be a waste too.
Same goes to Adam.

Omolah !!
Sooo, who's gonna win ?!!?

Will it be Gay Adam ?

Or Humble Kris ?

Haih.
Next week, theres gonna be a very heartbreaking result show.

I just started noticing all the greens around me.
Beautiful colour, don't you think so? - green.

Not only helps maintain your eye sight,
but its also such a refreshing colour.

I like (:

And heres to Danny Gokey one last time.

Music of the Day : You Are So Beautiful by Danny Gokey